ARCHIVE: Sea Patrol OneShots
by Kate-Emma
Summary: Complete - Collection of all my Sea Patrol one-shots up until May 2008. From now on all my Sea Patrol one-shots will go here after a few months or after their appeal runs out...
1. DETAILS

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sea Patrol

ARCHIVE: Sea Patrol One-Shots

This is a collection of older one-shots filed for your browsing pleasure. Lol.

No, really, they were taking up a lot of space and this was the easiest way to keep them online without having a bio page 147 entries long (which is what it may still look like with the large army of ideas brewing).

The general idea for this will be:

When one-shots get no reviews in three months  
* When one-shots, despite still getting reviews, are older than a year old

or because they're just getting in the way

they'll go in here…

**HERE'S THE ENTRIES SO FAR:**

(note: each page is a new story, don't be fooled by all that chapter business)

_A Disaster That Wasn't Meant To Be  
A Patrol Boat at Christmas  
A Very Hammersley Christmas  
Bruised  
Don't Fight It If You Don't Know What It Is  
Don't Say 'I Told You So' Sis  
Hiding From Your Voice  
I Feel A Cliche A Coming  
It's All In The Cards  
One Of These Days  
Remember Me Remember You  
Rockstars  
What I Leave Behind  
Why?  
You Shine Like The Sun  
You and Your Stupid Dream_

And more will be added in due course.

But for now, enjoy!

Cheers,  
. Kate-Emma


	2. A Disaster That Wasn't Meant to Be

A Disaster That Wasn't Meant To Be…

_Happy Mother's Day all mothers for yesterday. For you:_

Rebecca Brown had a headache. A tall, brunette headache that just wouldn't go away. Every e-mail and every message she received from home was from this headache and she just couldn't get away from it. It was starting to become even more irritating than the other tall brunette headache that plagued her life aboard the ship. Was there anywhere she could go these days without being terrorised? It seemed the only place she could still find solace was in the galley where she could hide from her sister and Spider at the same time. Of course that didn't leave her at peace either, with many of the crew still assuming that when she was in the galley it was time to eat. And then there was Robert, who despite everything had finely tuned exactly when she needed a shoulder to lean on, and now had a habit of popping up every five or so minutes. And almost as if on cue, he appeared at the door of the galley watching her chopping lettuce a little too roughly to be calm. He just cleared his throat and gave her his usual weak smile as she turned on him with narrowed eyes. When she saw it was him she just sighed and leant back against the bench top, putting the knife down quickly with a clunk. RO stepped into the room slowly and stood across from her. They were silent for a moment and then RO spoke.

"Got another e-mail from your sister?" He asked, knowing the answer anyway.

Bomber just nodded with a loud sigh. RO gave a small smile. "Look, whatever it is, it'll be fine."

Bomber smiled back at him. "Thanks RO, but you don't know that for certain. This is my sister we're talking about."

RO nodded. "Yeah, well, if she's anything like you…" He stopped with a laugh as Bomber threw a tea towel at his head. He ducked and it fell on the counter behind him. But Bomber was smiling and that was what mattered. "You can tell me to bugger off if you want, but if you want to tell me exactly what you're fighting about I might be able to help."

Bomber frowned and then, after about a minute, finally gave in. "It's stupid really but it's about our step-dad. He's left mum and she's in a bit of a wreck. Jess wants me to come home, but I can't. She hates me RO, you know that."

RO smiled. "It's not stupid. The only thing stupid is that you think your mother hates you. There's no chance anyone could hate you."

Bomber gave a small laugh. "Thanks RO, you're a good friend."

RO just nodded, slightly uncomfortable still at being referred to as a friend. "Anytime Bomber." He gave her a brief nod, causing her to laugh, then left. Bomber turned and leant against the counter, no longer as stressed about the issue with her mother and sister, but still stuck about what she should do.

***

Buffer had his own problems. His mother was terribly ill and there seemed to be no answer to the disease she was now struck down with. Cancer had been in his family, and so it hadn't really been a shock when his mother had come down with a bad case of it a few years back, but since then she'd been in remission. Now it had returned and all Buffer could think about was the realization that his mother, now older and likely not strong enough to fight the disease again, could well die. And although usually the strong silent type, Buffer's mind was now caught up in his mother so much that every waking moment on the ship was spent counting down until shore leave when he could see her again. His mind was elsewhere, and when he was needed for a boarding that was never a good thing.

It seemed a routine boarding. A FFV, their usual target, filled with fishermen that were already standing on the deck with machetes in their hands and the constant threats to attack the Navy or themselves. Alongside him in the RHIB sat Spider and ET, the pair also staring up at the fishermen with their guns held towards them. As the RHIB pulled up ET and Spider sprung onto the boat, slowly followed by Buffer who the pair could see clearly wasn't himself today. Spider knew why, but ET didn't and just gave Buffer a brief glance before turning back on the fishermen. Buffer's eyes were trained on a fisherman to his left and so he didn't notice the man on his right until the man was just inside his eye line and holding a machete aloft as he came towards him. Buffer turned quickly and he gun went off, missing the fisherman (who promptly dropped his weapon and cowered) and instead embedded itself in the back of ET's knee. The sailor dropped quickly, allowing the fisherman he'd been covering to escape, a stunned Spider only able to watch. He was quicker than Buffer, grabbing ET and pulling him to his feet and towards the RHIB. Once they were in the little inflatable Buffer joined them, receiving death stares from ET, and they sped back to the Hammersley.

***

"What happened?" The CO turned on Buffer, explanation needed but none sufficient enough to be given.

Buffer just gaped before he heard Spider speak beside him. "Sir, we were outnumbered. Buffer had to fight off two of them."

Buffer gave Spider a glance, a thank you glance, but no mattered what Spider said it would never be good enough to explain the mistakes he'd made today. He was doomed. The CO confirmed this a moment later. "Thank you Seaman Webb, but nonetheless," He turned to Buffer. "Petty Officer Tomaszewski, I'm afraid I will have to suspend you, pending an investigation."

Buffer bowed his head, but despite everything, his mother was the only thing on his mind.

***

ET's injury was bad, very bad, and as Swain and Bomber fussed over his leg, Nikki spoke to him, trying to keep him as calm as possible. But ET was actually taking the whole thing rather well and it was he who was keeping Nikki calm instead of the other way around.

"Well could've been worse, you've got me in the bum." ET laughed. Nikki just gave a small smile. "Not that you wouldn't love that eh Swain?" He asked the medic.

Swain just gave a brief laugh, holding the bullet aloft for a moment before putting it in a small metal basin. "It would be my dream ET."

ET grinned. He looked up at Nikki. "Hey, look, I'm fine alright?" Nikki just nodded and gave him a brief smile.

"I know, but after the pipe accident…" She lost her train of thought, lost in memories, before returning to the moment with a sad smile. "Look at me, I'm a pathetic wreck."

ET grabbed her hand. "I don't think so." He suddenly got serious and Nikki frowned. "Uh, I'm been wanting to ask this for a while but it's never really been the right time so… Nikki, will you marry me."

Nikki looked everywhere but at ET, stunned by this, and saw Bomber gave Swain a look of surprise. Nikki understood this, also shocked by this. "ET, I…" She stopped, her confusion slowly turning to anger. She pulled her hand from his. "What makes you think that this is the right time?"

ET said nothing, knowing what was coming and so Nikki just left the room. How could he put her in a position like this? And although she knew she loved him, all of a sudden she didn't want to see ET's face.

***  
"Long day…" A voice said as Bomber returned to the sanctuary of her galley. She glanced up to see RO at her door again and smiled as he walked in.

"Yeah, seemed to go on forever." She agreed. "Uh, what happened to Buffer?"

RO shook his head. "Suspended. Poor bloke. I don't know what's on his mind."

Bomber shrugged. "Spider knows but apparently he's sworn to secrecy. I reckon he knows nothing though." She smiled and RO returned it slowly. "ET is fine. Well, good enough to propose to Nav."

RO gaped accordingly. Bomber grinned and nodded. RO just frowned. "And, what'd she say?"

Bomber shrugged. "Nothing really, she just walked out." RO raised his eyebrows and Bomber nodded slowly. "Poor ET."

They were quiet for a minute and then RO spoke. "About this thing with your mum, I was thinking, if you wanted some company out there…"

Bomber lowered an eyebrow. "RO, are you offering to help me deal with my family?"

RO shrugged. "Just a suggestion."

Bomber smiled and nodded slowly. "Yeah, yeah, that'd be great, thanks." RO just motioned to the door and Bomber nodded again. "We'll talk closer to shore leave." And with that, and a quick smile, RO left the galley. Bomber just grinned at the door where he'd just stood then returned to work, her mind free of worries once again.


	3. A Patrol Boat At Christmas

A Very Hammersley Christmas

**A Patrol Boat before Christmas**

'Twas the night before Christmas  
and all over the ship  
Not a sailor was stirring  
not even a pip

The stockings were hung  
in the main hall with care  
In hopes that St. Nicholas  
soon would be there

The junior sailors were nestled  
asleep in their racks  
Dreaming visions of sugar-plums  
as they lay on their backs

And the X in her kerchief  
and I in my cap  
Had just settled with cooling packs  
for this hot summer nap

When out on the quarterdeck  
there arose such a clatter  
I sprang from my bunk  
to see what was the matter

Away to the bridge  
I flew like a crook  
Turned on the spotlights  
and had a good look

The moon on the deck  
on the newly splashed grey  
Lit the place up  
like it was midday

When, what to my wondering  
eyes should appear  
But a miniature sleigh  
and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver  
so lively and quick  
I knew in a moment  
it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than emus  
his coursers they came,  
And he whistled, and shouted  
and called them by name:

"Hey Dasher, hey Dancer  
hey Prancer and Vixen  
Go, Comet! Go Cupid!  
go Donner and Blitzen

Over the bulwarks  
over the wall  
Now dash away! Dash away!  
dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before  
the wild hurricane fly,  
When they meet with an obstacle,  
mount to the sky,

So onto to the quarterdeck  
the coursers they flew  
With the sleigh full of presents  
and Saint Nicholas too.

And then with a twinkle  
I looked down with glee  
And saw St. Nick smile  
and look up at me

So I drew in my head  
and went without a sound  
As in came St. Nicholas  
and he came with a bound

He wore a red polo  
with a red thong on each foot  
And red boardies were covered  
with beer, not soot

A bundle of gifts  
he flung on his back  
And he looked like a hobo  
just opening his pack

But his eyes – how they twinkled  
and his dimples, how merry!  
His cheeks were like roses  
his nose like a cherry

His droll little mouth  
was drawn like a bow  
But his beard was black ragged  
not white like fresh snow!

A stump of a ciggie  
held tight in his teeth  
And the smoke it encircled  
his head like a wreath

He had a broad face  
and a small beer belly  
That shook when he laughed,  
like a bowlful of jelly

He was chubby and plump –  
a right jolly old elf –  
And I laughed when I saw him  
in spite of myself.

A wink in his eyes  
and a twist of his head  
Soon gave me to know  
I had nothing to dread

He spoke not a word,  
but went straight to his work  
And filled all the stockings;  
then turned with a jerk

And laying his hand  
back onto the door  
He gave a small nod  
and he was there no more

He sprang to his sleigh  
to his team gave a whistle,  
And away they all flew  
like the down of a thistle

But I heard him exclaim,  
ere he drove out of sight,  
"A Hammersley Christmas to all,  
and to all a good night!"


	4. A Very Hammersley Christmas

**A Very Hammersley Christmas…**

Nav snorted as once again he tried to hang a bauble from her ponytail. She whipped it off quickly. "I swear to god, one more time, one more time and I'll kill you."

His eyes went wide before Nav laughed and he relaxed a little. He held up a small handful of tinsel. "Tinsel ma'am?" She gave him a sour look. His expression fell. "No?" She didn't respond, just aiming the bauble at his head. He ducked and it hit the back of RO's chair. Naturally RO, who everyone was now calling 'The Grinch' in representation of the time of the year, didn't have any Christmas stuff on his desk. No one had even tried.

The bauble shattered and RO glanced down at it with a cold smile. "One down, 349 to go." He muttered.

Nearby the X chuckled. "What's next? Christmas lights on the railings?" The man's eyes lit up and the X turned to him. "Don't even think about it. I believe there are serious safety issues with that."

"But ma'am, they have solar powered ones now. We just tie the solar panel to the railing too. They turn themselves on and off and everything."

"And there goes our strategy of sneaking up on illegal fishermen. Turn out all the lights and wait till it gets dark then – flash, flash – here's the Hammersley." Charge laughed from nearby, raising his hands in flashing motions as he said 'flash flash'.

The man gave them all a sour look. "You have no Christmas spirit." He basically stomped off the bridge. The three watching him go just laughed. RO shook his head.

***

Bomber ignored him as he reached the galley, tinsel draped over his shoulders and carrying a small inflatable Santa with him. Without looking up from chopping carrots she answered his unspoken question. "That is NOT going in here."

He deflated as soon as he walked through the door. "Oh, come on Bomber, it's Christmas."

"And I hate Christmas. Hence why I'm glad that, unlike Sydney-based ships, I don't have to go home for Christmas."

He frowned. "What?"

"Aunts, uncles, cousins I hate. My sister always fighting with mum. It's an on-going battle. My aunt is such a snob. She hates my job, thinks I'm useless. She can talk – she worked in the tax office. Now there's a bunch of useless people!"

He chuckled. "Aunts! My aunt was a nosey old busybody who, every Christmas, had a new tale about the neighbour's horrible rebellious daughter."

Bomber turned on him. "See, THAT is why I hate Christmas. Now, if that Santa stays here I will pop him with a kebab stick and bake him into a pie especially for you."

He held up his hands. "Point taken. I guess he can always go in the dining room or the junior sailor's mess."

"Does the CO know about this?" Bomber asked, turning back to her carrots.

"He gave me permission to decorate."

"Did he give you permission to turn this into 'Santa's Patrol Boat Wonderland'? What's next, you dress up like Santa and invite everyone to sit on your knee and ask for presents?"

"Would you sit on my knee and ask for a present?" He teased.

Bomber rolled her eyes. "Yeah, totally. 'Dear Santa, there's this guy on my ship who's all like totally cool, except he's a sleazebag!'" She turned on him with her knife.

"Point taken." He rushed from the galley quickly, moving on to set Santa up in the junior sailor's mess.

***

The next morning Christmas came and everyone awoke to a strange sensation. Opening their eyes they found candy canes hanging in front of them with a little note pinned to them. Everyone grabbed their candy cane (Nav opening hers and taking a very exaggerated nibble) and went out onto the deck. There a large table had been set up and they were shocked to see it covered in all things great and necessary for the perfect Christmas breakfast. They looked to Bomber but she just shrugged.

"Don't look at me, it was all him." She turned to the man. "That said, stay out of my galley!"

The X laughed. "This is fantastic."

The man behind the table just grinned and opened his arms wide. "A merry Christmas to you all."

They grinned and chorused back a slightly muddled 'Merry Christmas'.

Then the man took it to a new cheesy level. "A Very Merry _Hammersley_ Christmas."

Most of them groaned, but some threw their candy canes at him and he ducked them quickly. As he stood up he grinned again. He gave a shrug as once again a chorus met his ears. "Oh Buffer!"

Buffer just smiled, proud of what he'd achieved. The perfect Hammersley Christmas…


	5. Bruised

Bruised

I was one of those strange kids that used to give themselves bruises. You know the type – were so bored they'd punch themselves in the arm.

It wasn't about getting attention or anything, I wasn't some kind of emo kid, I just seemed to enjoy the feeling. Then, when the bruises came up, i'd prod them. It hurt, but it was fun.

In recruit school we'd be made to stand up for hours on end if we were decidedly difficult. As my mother would say, I was born decidedly difficult, so I was one of those made to stand until our feet hurt. Then, later, when everyone else was rubbing their feet and trying to avoid standing on them I'd be there, standing until they burned with pain. I could go for hours just letting them ache until finally I was forced to sit down either by an external force or my own sheer will finally breaking. It was usually the former. I'm a very stubborn person.

Of course, my reasoning was simple – when the initial pain stops the real pain comes. When I stood my feet burnt but the minute I sat down they throbbed until I couldn't feel them anymore. Now, many would say that's preferable, nothing to feel means nothing to hurt. But for me feeling nothing was the worst possible thing – at least pain made me feel human. Humans feel pain, joy, anger etc. Robots feel nothing. I was not a robot.

But then, when he died, it all changed. When the man I loved was ripped away from me I couldn't stand away my pain. I couldn't focus on staying upright and never giving up. It hurt and hurt and never let up.

Suddenly I envied robots…


	6. Don't Fight It If You Don't Know What

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sea Patrol. Would be nice though. The song is 'Don't Fight It' by The Panics (awesome song and band!)

**Don't Fight It… If You Don't Know What It Is**

_One-Shot / Song-Fic  
RO/Bomber/Spider_

_I have no other way  
There is a price to pay  
For what the man will say  
That I was a million miles away  
In a promise full of steam  
It could take no vacant dream  
To persuade me to believe_

It had been a month, an entire month since his drugging incident but still Robert 'RO' Dixon's mind ticked over the ordeal every time he went to sleep. Each night though becoming less and less about what had happened that day and more and more about the friendly face that had stayed in his mind that night, her voice comforting him as he tried so hard to forget. But he wouldn't forget that nightmare day in a hurry, and he tried hard not to forget her voice. When she'd joined the boat barely a month before the incident he had seen her as a bit of a loudmouth, a bit bossy and the funniest of butt's to Spider's barrage of cruel pranks. But when she'd confided in him the truth about her fear of cookers he'd felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the girl. She had trusted him with some information whereas no one else had ever done so before. So unable to see people as friends though he hadn't realised her intentions until that fateful day when she'd approached him in his cabin to get his side of the drug story. It was a side of the story that people had so far been so easy to dismiss. RO, the quiet and maybe he appeared stuck-up member of the group, so easy to dislike. They didn't need to know that the Navy was his life and he'd never do anything to jeopardise it, but when she came up to him and supported him that day he felt nothing but a feeling he'd thought was long gone, and valued the girl as a friend. But now, her friend, he couldn't get her out of his mind. The pretty girl, loud and opinionated but welcoming nonetheless, had taken control of his mind. It was like the drugs again, unable to hear or see anything but her, and he realised then that he'd fallen for his best friend. Robert Dixon, heart of ice, had fallen for Rebecca 'Bomber' Brown.

_I think just don't fight it, don't fight it, don't fight it  
If you don't know what it is_  
_I left my heart in places  
Forgot everyone of their faces  
And tried to navigate a broken path  
Of which I may have helped create  
In any incident, this is never no accident  
To stand alone and  
Let the silence make itself at home_

These days his mind was elsewhere, no longer on just work and everything else. When he awoke in the morning his thoughts were on the perfect prank to pull on Bomber, or the best thing to say to make her squirm. His head for a while had been in this mind frame and for some reason he enjoyed it. Never before had someone made him think about them to the level Billy 'Spider' Webb now spent thinking about Bomber. In the forefront of his mind was the ongoing message that it was all about having some fun and teasing the new girl, but for some reason there was a little message in the back of his head that constantly reminded him that this had gone past terrorising her a long time ago. And now it had moved on to asking him if there was some ulterior motive to why he found himself looking for her at random times of the day. And for that question he had no answer.

_Ah, give it up,  
Those dirty tricks  
No quick fix, can undo it  
Ah, give it up  
I won't resist  
My answers always this_

Bomber was a torn creature, living and darting between the two worlds in her mind she now inhabited. One was filled with friendship, trust and support. One was filled with challenge, desire and fun. It may have seemed obvious to some which was the best choice, but there was something about Bomber that always led her to get stuck in these situations. It was like Rebecca attracted normal, but Bomber attracted weird and right now she was torn between the two. Not yet had she managed to find the answer to her predicament and now ET's quip of 'you fancy RO?' or something along those lines was playing over and over in her head. But, blurred amongst ET's line and the images of an almost smiling RO when she mentioned being his friend was those recurring images of Spider. Billy Webb truly was the most annoying man she had ever known, but there was something about him that Bomber couldn't deny feeling attracted to. And now, stuck between a rock and a hard place, she pressed her knuckle against her chin as she leant of the counter on the galley and sighed.

_I say don't fight it, don't fight it,  
don't fight it  
If you don't know what it is  
Just don't fight it, don't fight it,  
don't fight it  
If you don't know what it is_

It was lunch time, the perfect excuse to find a terrorise Bomber. And he knew exactly where she would be. The galley, serving lunch, likely her precious Quiche. That was probably hsi best form of retort, attacking her food, a comeback that worked every time despite now becoming rather stale. And despite this she still made him help her serve lunch almost once a week, like a torture he hadn't realised was until he had answered that little question in his head. Why did he look for her? Because her prescense calmed him in a strange way, brought him back to the normal person he knew he could be. And even though she teased him back (something he found a mix of appealing and irritating) with comebacks that outsmarted him every time, he couldn't help what he was thinking. And he knew that he'd fallen for Bomber.

_Where has my light gone?  
Where has my fight gone?  
What keeps us burning when the fire is long gone  
When I can't relate  
To that voice without a face  
Should I be afraid or  
Is it just a voice I did create?_

When RO reached the galley to speak to Bomber, his only chance being in the lunch break, he found her engrossed in a verbal battle with Spider about her cooking. And was RO watched her retorts he could see the smallest hint of a smile in the corner of her mouth as she threw her superior lines back at the goofball seaman. So, no longer eager to watch this, RO made for the counter but foudn Spider in his way. Not keen to talk to him at all he just shoved the man slightly out of the way, something Spider took offence too and turned on him the grin he'd directed at Bomber now fading. And so started a verbal battle of their own, not as good natured as the one he'd just been watching, and now Spider didn't hold back like he had with Bomber. And as RO spoke he regretted every word he said as the grin slipped from Bomber's face as she watched the two. And RO knew then that in this situation he would never win. But that didn't mean he would give up. The thought of giving up on Bomber seemed impossible to even comprehend.

_Ah, give it up,  
Those dirty tricks  
No quick fix, can undo it  
Ah, give it up  
I won't resist  
My answers always this_

Bomber just stood at the counter and watched the pair of them pretty much growl each other down like a pair of animals fighting over a bone. It was ugly but at the same time somewhat enthralling. Like a car wreck she could only stand and be amazed by the sight and realization before her. She loved them both. In their own messed up ways they were the perfect men for her. RO appealed to Rebecca, the side who wanted safety and security, and Spider was perfect for Bomber with his challenging nature and desire for fun. And so, knowing this saga wouldn't resolve itself any time soon Bomber just stood back and watched it all. A car wreck so be it, but in the end the one who payed the insurance was the one who would lose.

_I say don't fight it, don't fight it, don't fight it_  
_If you don't know what it is_  
_Just don't fight it, don't fight it, don't fight it_  
_If you don't know what it is_

Three people, very different, all knew then what they hadn't known before. They didn't know a thing about this feeling at all...


	7. Don't Say I Told You So Sis

Don't Say 'I Told You So' Sis…

_Response to Holly Dixon's 'RO and Sister Challenge'_

"Oh come on, you know I can do this." Holly Dixon gave her younger brother a fleeting glance that said thousands of words in its simplest form. 'Sure you can'. Robert read the signs right. "I can!" He protested.

Holly frowned. "I don't really have a choice do I?"

It was 1400 on a Saturday afternoon. Holly was needed in town in less than an hour but with no one to look after her younger sister, Kelly, had been forced to call on the last person she'd ever expected to agree to such a task – her baby brother.

Robert made a face. "You're making it sound like I can't even look after my sister for an hour."

"Robbie, you can't even look after yourself for an hour."

Robert crossed his arms across his chest. It only succeeded in making him look less mature however and Holly cracked a smile. He growled and dropped his arms. "Fine, but you have to be in Cairns for your stupid appointment in an hour and you have no one else to call." Robert continued to do what he did best – state the bleeding obvious. "She's seven, not seven-months, we'll be fine."

Holly eventually gave up. "Fi-ine." She replied, dragging the word out into a deep sigh. "But you break anything, you lose her, you allow her to get hurt, you resort to calling any kind of emergency service, you pawn her off to someone else after 20 minutes, you go to sleep and let her wander off, you let her in the kitchen, you…"

"Alright, I get it, you'll kill me."

Holly gave a mean smile, holding up her index finger. "No, no… I'll say 'I told you so'." She grabbed her bag and made for the door. "Don't call me when you realise I'm right and raising a child is so, so much harder than hanging out on a ship all day."

Robert waved her away. "Alright, yes…" he dropped his voice. "Go away." She slammed the door behind her and Robert turned away, expecting to retire to the couch. But, standing right behind him with a huge grin on her face, was Kelly. He took a step back in surprise.

"Can we play dolls now Robbie?"

Robert sighed. This was going to be a long afternoon.

***

"And you're the sad sister okay? The ugly one who does get to go to the ball."

Robert sat in the middle of Kelly's playroom, a section of lounge room just off the dining room, wearing a long curly blonde wig and a garish shade of red blush Kelly had applied from her kid's make-up set. For the last 30 minutes he had been rather content playing dolls with his kid sister, but Kelly soon got bored and decided instead to play 'Cinderella' a play-game that involved dressing Robert up as the ugly step-sister whilst Kelly played the beautiful dashing Cinderella. Robert had twice insisted he play Prince Charming, but apparently he wasn't in this section of the play. Anyway, Kelly pointed out with a pout, Holly always played that part. Robert growled. Even when she wasn't here his big sister was constantly foiling his plans.

"And action!" Kelly yelled like a film director. She pounced in wearing an old grey dress she clearly kept aside for just this performance. "Oh dear step sister, you look so pretty for the ball."

Robert glanced down at the words Kelly had written down for him. Her writing was messy, but legible. "That's right Cinderella, I am going to the ball and you are not. Ha ha ha."

Kelly pouted. "You're a horrible actor Robbie, you have to do a high voice and a mean laugh like 'mwah ha ha'." She did her very own stereotypical, moustache-twirling laugh.

Robert sighed then put on a high voice. "That's right Cinderella, I am going to the ball and you are not. Mwah ha ha ha ha." He looked up from his lines warily as Kelly grinned.

"THE NEXT DAY." She said loudly in a narrator's voice. She sashayed in again. "The Prince has asked me to marry him ugly step-sister. Finally I am free."

Robert looked back at his lines. "How dare you Cinderella? You are the hand-maiden, I am the beautiful one. Cries." He glanced up at Kelly who glared daggers at him. Heaving a deep sigh, Robert put on a squeal and forced tears from his eyes. Kelly beamed.

"AND THE PRINCE AND CINDERELLA LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END!" She bowed to the imaginary audience. Robert clapped half-heartedly. She looked at him. "What do you want to do next Robbie?"

"Sleep." Robert muttered with a groan.

Kelly grinned. "No silly, now we're going to play mum and baby. You get to be the baby." She yanked the wig off his head. "Baby go to sleep." She ordered. Robert lay his head down on the floor. Kelly produced a rug and put it over him. "Night night baby."

Robert sighed, wiping the last of the fake tears from his cheeks. A very, very long afternoon.

***

Eventually Kelly agreed to do something he wanted to do. Have some food. Helping himself to a strong cup of coffee and watching Kelly make herself a cheese sandwich with two pieces of bread and a slice of cheese – but not much else – he sat down across from her as she made sure the cheese was lined up perfectly with the bread. Most people would call it OCD, but it was an oddity that passed through all the Dixons and it was good to see Kelly hadn't missed out. She noticed him watching her and grinned.

"I make my own sandwiches. One day, when I'm old enough to be a real mummy, I'm going to make sandwiches all the time for my baby."

Robert gave her a warm smile. "That's a very long way off yet Kell, you're still a baby yourself."

Kelly pouted. "I'm not a baby. I can count to 50! Can babies count to fifty?" She then proceeded to count to fifty at the top of her lungs. Robert let her go, sipping his coffee as he watched her hold up a finger on her hand every time she hit a new number, then shake out her hand and start again when she reached a multiple of ten. At fifty she dropped her hands to the table. "You knew my mummy?"

Robert nodded slowly at the memory of his father's last girlfriend. "Yeah, I knew her."

"Did she make sandwiches?" Kelly asked, holding up the sandwich just in case RO wasn't sure what a sandwich was.

Robert shrugged. "Sometimes. She had this weird combination of mustard, tomato and pickle." Kelly made a face of disgust. "Yeah, that's what I thought too."

"What about your mummy? Did she make sandwiches?"

Robert smiled softly at the memory of his mother. "Yeah, and she cut the crusts off because she knew I didn't like them."

"Holly says my mummy is in Souf Americas." Kelly frowned. "Wherever that is." She shrugged. "Where's your mummy?"

"My mummy is in heaven. She went there when I was your age. She got sick, very sick."

"I'm sorry Robbie." Kelly reached across the table and touched his hand. "But I can be your mummy. I can make you a cheese sandwich and cut all the crusts off for you."

Robert smiled. "It's okay Kell, but thank you." Kelly fell back in her chair, munching her sandwich happily. Robert just looked back at his coffee with a small smile.

***

Holly arrived home twenty minutes later, holding her jaw and groaning. Robert grinned at the sight of her. "How'd the appointment go sis?"

Holly moaned. "Oh shu' u' 'O'ert." She barely managed through a wad of cotton over her back tooth.

Robert laughed. "More fruit, less caramel popcorn big sister and you won't need to have so many fillings."

She ignored that. "Where' 'Elly?"

"Kelly? Oh, she's in the playroom playing with her dolls. They're having a ball tomorrow night and guess who got invited?" He pointed to himself.

Holly gave him a wary eye. "'Ooo are 'u an' wha' 'ave 'u 'un 'oo my bwavva?" She yanked the cotton from her mouth. "Ugh, I hate this stupid thing." Her face crinkled up in pain. "Seriously though, who are you? My brother hates dolls, being friendly, sunshine, puppies and caramel corn."

Robert just raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, are you surprised I managed to look after Kelly for two hours?"

"I'm surprised you managed to go two hours without either boring her to tears or burning down the house – yes. As for whether Kelly is fine, that remains to be seen. Hey Kelly!" She called out to her sister and shot Robert a look. He just smiled as Kelly came running out holding up a doll she'd named Cynthia. "Did you have fun with Robbie this afternoon?"

Kelly beamed. "Yeah! We played dolls, and baby and Cinderella. He really cried too. He's an actor." She gave her brother a big smile then dashed off again.

Holly looked at him as Robert just smiled. "Yes Holly?" She shook her head slowly. "What's that? Hmmm?" He leant forward a little as if straining to hear something she wasn't saying. "Sorry, was that?" He leant back and held up a finger. "No, no… oh… 'I told you so!"

"I really don't like you right now." Holly muttered. Robert just grinned.


	8. Hiding From Your Voice

Hiding From Your Voice

"C'mon_, there's nothing to rely on… c'mon let's skip to the end_."

The sound, which Rebecca 'Bomber' Brown could only describe as a small whale dying, echoed down the small halls of the ship and into her kitchen, the sound bouncing off every single wall before reaching her poor, tired ears. Trying to cut carrots at the same time as holding her head, Bomber accidently cut her finger and put down the knife angrily, sticking her finger in her mouth to stop the bleeding.

"Alright, you're dead whoever you are!" Bomber muttered to herself, although with her finger in her mouth it actually sounded more like 'awri, yer de oever ou argh'. With that she stormed from the kitchen and down the hall towards the bunks and bathrooms where the sound seemed to be coming from. Reaching the bathroom and tracing the sound to the showers, Bomber hammered on the door with her good hand.

"SHUT THE HECK UP!" She yelled at them, attracting the attention of Swain who was passing. He gave her a lop-sided grin and motioned to the door.

"Buffer singing again?"

Bomber gaped. It was Buffer who was singing? Well, she knew better than to wait around for him to come out and scold her for disrupting his shower. She scuttled off as fast as she could go, Swain's laughter following her down the hall and back into her kitchen. Once in there she collapsed against the counter in a sigh before noticing she wasn't alone in there.

"Ro? What are you doing here?"

Ro frowned. "I was looking for you but you'd disappeared. The X wants you."

Bomber frowned. "Why didn't she call me on the intercom?" She asked him.

Ro shrugged. It wasn't broken, he'd just made an excuse to go see her, something which Ro found very disturbing. This wasn't his usual self. But hey, why not just mess up his head a little more?

"Look, Bomber, we're back on the mainland on Friday and I thought maybe you and I could go grab something to eat."

Bomber glanced at him sideways, trying to see whether Ro was pulling a fast one on her or not. She eventually figured he wasn't, Ro was a mate now, and smiled. "Sure Ro. We'll talk about this on Thursday, okay?" With that she hurried off to see the X while Ro watched her go, feeling even more uncomfortable than ever before.

***

To the outside world Swaino was his usual self, but while being stuck up in this ship with his young family at home, Swain was a mess. He missed his girls terribly and now Sally was starting to forget his obligations and wonder why he wasn't home enough. Swain was worried not just about Chloe but also about Sally and how she was coping with everything. He knew of things like post-natal despression but he couldn't believe his Sally would suffer that, especially as she'd been so great after the birth of the baby.

Reaching under his bunk, Swain pulled out the diary he'd started to keep to give to Chloe when she was older. He wasn't much of a talker, despite what people saw, and couldn't imagine being able to relive every detail to Chloe in a few years time, so he'd decided to write it down. In truth it was Nav's idea, her own video diary a known secret now. Things didn't stay quiet for long, even on a big ship like the Hammersley. That was why the diary was no secret. Everyone knew he kept it and had even contributed to it. So, fishing it out, Swain wrote some more for his baby daughter.

***

Nav sat quietly in her room too. It just after dinner and quiet, Nav was not required on the bridge for another hour, unless something came up, and decided to use this time to think. Think. Think. About what? About what else? ET of course. Bloody ET. How could he do this to her, come back to her ship when they'd already said they wouldn…

Her thoughts were interrupted and in came the man she'd just been thinking about. Giving a sigh she turned away from him, determined not to give him the satisfaction of seeing her visibly upset at having him here.

"Nav, we need to talk."

Nav ignored him.

"Nikki, please."

Nav bit her lip as she turned. "You know i… i… I can't have you here. You have to leave, please."

ET knew why Nav was so upset, he felt it to, and grabbed her and pulled her to him. "I'm so sorry Nikki, I'm so sorry." He pulled away from her. "Whatever it takes, okay? Then we can go on that holiday I promised." He gave her a smile and she gave up that stony expression for a brief grin. Relieved he kissed her forehead and pulled her back to him. After a brief pause he spoke again.

"How do you think I'd do as a ferry operator?" He asked. Nav just laughed.

***

It had now been ten hours since they'd left the Walsman island and things were getting tense. Any moment now Spider knew he'd get called up the Bridge to hear that Carly was missing and Ray was frantic with worry. But Carly wasn't missing. Spider knew exactly where she was. And she was bored. She gave him a kick, square in the back, and Spider flinched before falling off the bed. Carly's jingling laugh echoed through the room and Spider glanced up at her.

"Why are we doing this again?" He asked, knowing perfectly well that it would only take one person, or his cabin mate Buffer to walk in and see Carly before he'd be thrown off the ships and to the sharks.

"Cos you're not getting a date any other way." Carly giggled, causing Spider to frown. She was a pretty girl, a bit stupid, but nonetheless pretty and very entertaining. Spider couldn't help but risk it. Whatever happened would be worth it.

***

Friday came a little too quickly for Ro and before he knew what was happening he and Bomber were seated out in the sunshine, sitting around a resort pool and sipping the classiest drinks they could afford on their substandard pay. As he glanced at Bomber, laying back with over-sized sunglasses on, Ro couldn't help but laugh, something he rarely did. Bomber, shocked as he by the sound, pulled off her glasses and looked at him.

"You alright Ro?" She asked, a smile still on her face.

Ro took another long sip of his drink. "Perfectly fine, perfectly f…" He stopped and his grin fell.

"There's something wrong, isn't there." Bomber stopped. "All this, a nice pool, a nice meal out with my new friend and now you've gone mad on me." She laughed but stopped when she saw Ro wasn't laughing but rather staring at his drink in shock. "What is it?"

Ro glanced at her. "You better call someone." He said, his eyes drooping before his head falling forwards on to his chest. Dropping her glass Bomber ran over to him before calling out for help.

***

"Guess what I saw?" Carly asked Spider as the pair sat at a rather nice restaurant, waiting for their meal and watching the elite of the area stare down at Spider like he was a piece of dirt. He felt terribly out of place and suddenly wished he'd stayed on the boat like many others.

"What?" Spider answered lazily, his cheek resting on his hand as he glanced up at Carly. Despite how pretty she was he was rather bored with the whole date now and the food so far hadn't been great. After this he knew he'd HAVE to stop complaining about Bomber's food.

"I'll tell you, but you'll be too shocked to stay on your seat when you here it." She replied, giving him a playful smile. Suddenly Spider was interested and sat up straighter in his chair. He hoped her gossip, a natural thing for a girl her age, wouldn't disappoint.

***

Ro had been poisoned but he soon woke up from it and when he did he awoke to every one of his mates and crew standing around him but he only saw Bomber and gave her a smile. To his relief she returned it and grabbed his hand softly.

"I'm glad you're alright." She whispered to him as the others started talking.

"I'm glad you're here." Ro replied.

Bomber just grinned before launching back into her discussion with the others. "Yeah right Spider, you couldn't find a rosary bead in a nun convention."

The others laughed but Spider just scowled at her. "It's true though. Saw it myself."

"What's this?" Ro asked, having missed the first part of the conversation as he was asleep.

"Spider thinks he's discovered X's mystery man. He says he saw them together on the ship just after we landed."

"X has a mystery man? Well, that is almost as funny as Spider discovering something." Ro replied.

And everyone laughed, even Spider, because they were all just happy Ro was back to his normal, witty self.


	9. I Feel A Cliche A Coming

I Feel A Cliché A' Coming…  
_The True Evil of Mary-Sue Characters in Sea Patrol_

**For Sam**

_Part One…_

She was tall, slender and drop dead gorgeous. That part went without saying. Her long honey-blond hair curled over her shoulders in a Farrah Fawcett-esque hairstyle that, naturally, looked perfect with her full-dress uniform and peaked hat. Her skin had a light tan to it suggesting she wasn't foreign, just the kind of person that got a lot of sun. And her smile, bright and wide, could light up a room. But more than beautiful she was brilliant. At only 25 she was already a Lieutenant, had been second in charge to some of the biggest ships in the Australian Navy, and graduated top of her class her entire life. Dux of her school and fast-tracked through Recruit School and Officer Candidate School, she is the best in the business. It also helps that she's Commander Marshall's niece (aren't they always related to someone we know?). To anyone that knows characterisation and a decent plot, she's the kind of Mary-Sue you could spot 25 clicks away, but for the purpose of plot progression, we will pretend we didn't notice.

As she walks across the docks, striding like a supermodel with her hair swaying in almost perfect slow motion, the men of the Hammersley are drawn by impulse to the deck to watch her walk towards them. Buffer's eyes are popping out of his head with sheer happiness. He's never seen anyone like her before. Charge, who god knows hasn't got a chance in HELL, refrains from a wolf whistle (because poor Charge, who never gets a good storyline, has had to revert into a chauvinist pig to get people to realise he's still there) and just grins stupidly. ET is no longer listening to Nikki talking about their bright future and how much she loves him but has wandered out with them to Nav's disgust. Mike has already ticked the boxes and is wondering which of the two Lieutenants he already has under his command (and is usually the maximum on a ship this small) is going to have to find another job. And Spider is unconscious with sheer joy. His little brain has exploded with happiness. Poor mite. Meanwhile our Mary-Sue, I mean new Lieutenant, pretends to be completely oblivious to the looks and boards the Hammersley. Mike, as our brave captain, is the first to shake her hand.

"You must be Lieutenant Marshall (related to Steve Marshall remember), welcome to the Hammersley."

She smiles and flicks her hair again. Charge almost stops breathing. Spider is dead. "Please…" she coos in a voice that could melt butter, "call me Honey."

Honey, her impossibly perfect nickname, suits her perfectly. She's sweet… to the point of being sickly. But no one on the deck really minds. Lieutenant Halatina (because they always have a stupidly exaggerated, almost foreign but more like something your doctor would prescribe if you had Athlete's Foot, name) 'Honey' Marshall is the most amazing woman in the history of, well, ever…

***

It goes without saying that the women hate her. Naturally it's jealously, and before long the men of the Hammersley have pointed that out to them. Kate, who once commanded respect from her crew during boarding parties, has been replaced. Honey, apparently, has a lot more experience in boarding parties. Perfect. Kate retires to her cabin and plots the perfect way to kill off Honey. But like that's ever gonna happen. The ship could blow up and she'd survive. She's JUST THAT PERFECT!

Honey is, of course, a Navigator and quickly replaces Nikki on the bridge. Nikki, determined for her own revenge, retires to her cabin to plot the perfect way to bring Honey down off her pedestal. But that's not gonna happen. Honey is an amazing Navigator, has won everyone on the bridge over with her awesome stories, and has shamelessly flirted with everyone at least twice. She's JUST THAT PERFECT.

That night, after setting sail, everyone heads off to one of Bomber's delicious meals. As everyone is grabbing plates they allow Honey to go ahead of them. She should eat first, really, she's JUST THAT… well, you get it. As she reaches the meals bar she looks down at dinner. It's Bomber's specialty – roast lamb and baked vegies. Honey takes a potato and everyone watches on. Despite having liked Bomber's food up until now, if Honey doesn't like it the chef will have to go. Honey thinks the vegies need more salt. Bomber concurs. Bomber receives death stares. Bomber grabs a knife and threatens Honey. Mike who walks in at the Most Perfect Time Ever™ dismisses Bomber. Bomber retires to her cabin to plan her revenge.

Meanwhile Honey, apart from being Navigator and leader of the Boarding Party, remakes dinner. It's 1000 times better than Bomber's. Then, the seas unusually quiet, clearly they know Honey is on board the Hammersley, they all retire to bed. The boys dream about Honey. The girls dream about revenge. Honey doesn't dream – you don't need to when you're JUST THAT PERFECT…

* * *

_Part Two…_

The rest of the week runs smoothly. In her brilliance Honey has been able to spot three different sets of illegal drug traffickers, four lots of black marketers and ten ships of illegal fishermen. But, their last day out before shore leave, they're at a loss. There's nothing to do and everyone is bored. Instead of doing necessary jobs, they decide to play a game (because when Mary-Sues come into stories all the other characters suffer serious losses of maturity) and Honey suggests hide and seek. All the men are impressed and run and hide. The women call a meeting in the Senior Sailor's Mess to bring down Honey. Whilst searching for the men Honey finds out, locks them all in the Mess and leaves them to die. None of the men will mind because they have Honey now. She finds Buffer first in a random cupboard and surprises him by crawling in after him and suggesting they 'stop the games and get serious'. Buffer is ecstatic.

Don't come knocking if the cupboard is a rocking…

Yeah, you get the picture.

After she leaves him, smitten and very tired from the, ahem, exercise, she continues the game. In turn she finds and manages to sway to her cause both ET and Swain. She won't touch Charge, Spider is too young and emo-RO is not up her street at all. Hey, she may be a tactless Mary-Sue who is hell bent on the destruction of all things plot-related, but she has taste! Deeming ET too immature and Swain too married (like that ever stopped her at all, but in all honesty that Sally could smack Honey down ten times without breaking a sweat and Honey knows which battles to pick), she picks Buffer as her perfect man. He doesn't seem to mind being singled out either. In fact they spend the entire night in Buffer's cabin finding out how perfect they are together.

Mike, who somehow got neglected in this (as he always does, unless of course it's an Mike-related piece at which point he gets horribly dragged out of character and spends the day drinking pinacoladas and reminiscing about his days as Bjorn in an ABBA cover band), is jealous and declares war on Buffer. The pair fight and Buffer wins. With the other Lieutenants gone and Mike put in his place (then subsequently thrown overboard), Honey becomes captain of the Hammersley. And who didn't see that one coming…

***

The next day, as they reach HMAS Cairns, Honey reveals her new plans for the Hammersley. From now on they will refer to it as the HMAS Honey, she will be appointed all the jobs she wants, and Buffer will be instantly ranked as her second in charge. Chief Petty Officer Thorpe, who should be second in charge according to rank, throws a tantrum that would make a three-year-old give him a strange look. He's dragged away by Naval Police. Swain stays quiet and takes a rank cut. He's now a Leading Seaman again. Honey also reveals their new crewmates. They are her ex-boyfriend Ashton Kutcher (because some dumb American celebrity always makes their way into a good Mary Sue story somewhere) and her two brothers.

Ashton, after Punking both RO (who runs off crying in true emo-RO fashion) and Swain, suggests they rename the ship the 'Shwam'. So, with permission from Honey's uncle Commander Marshall, they rename the ship the HMAS Shwam. They set sail almost straightaway – what is obligatory shore leave anyway?

The women are still locked in the Mess. Mike is bobbing in the ocean somewhere. Spider remains dead…

* * *

_Part Three_

The HMAS Shwam, with new captain and crew, come across a group of feisty illegal fishermen two days later. When they stick their poles out in an attempt to get the RHIB away, Honey, whose boarding party it is (of course) simply beats the poles away with her almost superhuman strength and boards the ship. She takes down the captain and two others before the rest of the boarding party join her. They manage to bust the biggest fishing operation in the southern hemisphere and the HMAS Shwam goes home to get their medals. For the sake of the ceremony, Mike is fished from the ocean and the women are let out of the Mess. It isn't a good move. They've planned their revenge…

***

Honey sleeps soundly in her captain's cabin that night, new medals pinned to her uniform. She doesn't hear the door creak open and the four figures enter the room. They jump the sleeping cabin only to find Buffer in bed beside her. Turning on their crewmate, they bind him up in only his boxers (good image ladies?) and tie him to the flagpole at the stern of the ship. Meanwhile Nav and Kate, using some of Bomber's best steak knives, go at Honey until there is little left. After committing the perfect murder, they wrap her in her bed sheets and throw her off the edge of the ship…

Finally they are free of the Mary-Sue Cliché…

***

Ten days later a figure, mermaid-like in her appearance, washes up on the Australian coastline remarkably close to HMAS Cairns. She flicks back her honey-blond hair and bats her long eyelashes. Despite the fifty stab wounds in her chest and stomach, she's alive.

Just in the time for the sequel…

_**For all Mary-Sue writers**__: If you recognize anything in this fic, that's NOT a good thing… _


	10. It's All In The Cards

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sea Patrol

**It's All In The Cards…**

It was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard, but at the same time she wasn't about to be the one who grabbed something like Nikki enjoyed, take it and stomp on it. That wasn't who she was… most of the time. But she'd never be like that with Nikki. ET maybe. Swain at times. Spider constantly. But never Nikki. So here she was, the main street of the city only mildly deserted in the afternoon heat, walking to a fortune teller. The images of a creepy little old woman hunched over a glass orb made her smile and it seemed Nikki saw this because she gave a smile back.

"There you go. I knew you'd come around." She commented, not realising the look was associated with laughing at a decrepit little woman rather than learning about her future. Nikki continued. "She's the best in Australia. 93 accuracy. Imagine that."

Nikki looked so excited by the whole thing, rather shocking everyone on the ship when she'd first openly suggested going to see the woman while in port. Everyone, even ET, had looked away momentarily and Nikki had looked so sad. So, eager to keep friends with the girl, she'd stepped forward. And now she was thoroughly regretting it. 50 bucks to sit with an old woman, read cards and be told there was a dark, handsome stranger in her future. Blah. Her sister Jessica could read her the cards and be likely to hit the spot more accurately.

So, rather than comment on the last 7, she fell into step with Nikki, determined to enjoy the experience at the least.

*

Nikki shouldered her awake as the fumes in the room got the better of her. Glancing up her eyes fell on a woman barely older than she and Nikki, dressed not in flowing garments but rather a nice peasant top and… jeans? She took a second look, it obvious to the other two in the room that she was a little taken back by the normality of the woman. Nikki just smiled.

"You go first okay? I might be a while." Nikki grinned.

She just shook her head and followed the woman into her little cove. Rather than the stereotypical orb and smoke-filled room she found herself sitting across from the woman in a rather smart room. On the shelves were the usual things, orbs and cards, but no shrunken heads or bottles of potions. She must've looked disappointed because the fotune teller laughed.

"You look a little let down Miss Brown." She said.

Rebecca glanced up. "How did you know my name?" Then she realized Nikki must've told her. "Oh, right, Nikki. Kay, yeah, a bit."

The fortune teller just smiled at the suggestion she'd been told anything and then pulled out a deck of tarot cards. She placed them on the table. "Split the deck."

Rebecca glanced back at her. "Yeah, okay." She 'split' the deck as was suggested and the fortune teller started laying them out. Rebecca watched the entire thing, bored out of her mind, until the fortune teller finally spoke.

"Yes, I see your issue. Do you?" Her finger danced over The Lovers card and Rebecca frowned.

"Lovers? Ha, so far so good, I'm single." She leaned back in chair, a victory achieved, until the fortune teller chuckled.

"No, The Lovers isn't just that. It refers to all emotions. Emotions which control the heart and the mind. And this is your problem. Your heart and your mind are in conflict." At this she dramatically flipped over two cards sitting on either side of the Lovers. One was the Fool, the other the Hermit. And instantly Rebecca knew the problem that the fortune teller had found.

"The Fool and The Hermit. I know who they refer to." Rebecca admitted.

The fortune teller smiled. "They do not usually refer to real people, but rather our emotions. Currently the Fool is in your heart space but he is quickly entering your headspace. The Fool represents potential, increased energy and he is neither positive or negative. The Hermit is the opposite, in your headspace and slowly entering your heart. He is a teacher and will take you far, but once your lessons have been learnt he will leave. The Fool and the Hermit, like your heart and mind at the moment, are alone. Your choice is where you let them go. If you do not control them they will both rule your head and heart and then you will be lost to truth."

The Fool and The Hermit ruled both her head and her heart. Rebecca knew this to be true. The Hermit, RO, the man she valued above everyone else. Long ago he had ruled her head, helping her when she needed to be calm and kept her sane, but now her feelings for him had gone strange, into her heart. The Fool, Spider, a fool if ever she saw any. But like the Fool in tarot he didn't care what people thought. He had ruled her heart from the first moment she'd seen him, but now he was in her head to, making her question exactly what she wanted and was it calm and kind? Or was it fun?

She turned her attention back to the tarot cards laid out before her and saw a pair of cards the fortune teller had placed together. "What do they mean?" She asked, pointing to them.

The firtune teller nodded. "They are you. They help me know you. The Chariot and Strength. The Chariot represents emotions, a side that you seen to undervalue, hence why it is beneath the Strength card. Strength is your strongest façade, but your biggest err. You hate it, but you hide behind it. It makes you two people, another reason why your head and heart are so hard to control."

Rebecca knew she was right. Two people, like the Gemini she was born under. One Rebecca, emotional and kind. Caring and true. The other Bomber, hard-nosed and opinionated. She valued both of her sides but they did make life hard. Rebecca valued RO, a perfect balance to her. But Bomber needed Spider to keep her alert, keep her strong and to never underestimate her.

"There is two of me. And the Fool and the Hermit each own one part. But how do I resolve this?" She asked, no longer a pessimist but now eager to find any kind of answer she could.

The fortune teller nodded. "I knew you would ask this, that is why I drew this. But I'm afraid there is no set answer." She handed Rebecca a card and she looked down at it. The Wheel of Fortune.

"What does it mean?" She asked, still looking at it as if trying to find an answer in it.

"It means that the future in this area is undecided. The cards and I cannot tell you what is to come. But I give you just one piece of wisdom. Figure out what part of you, Strength or the Chariot, rules your head and you will know who rules your heart." Then she leant back in her chair, clearly finished.

Rebecca frowned. "There was be something else."

The fortune teller nodded. "Draw the top card. This is your only answer here. I'm sorry."

Rebecca did what she was told and drew the card, staring down at it. Without having seen it the fortune teller spoke. "The Hanged Man represents looking at things a new way, like Odin did when he hung from the World Tree for nine days. If you look at something a new way, realise who rules your head, and exactly what side of you is your strongest, then you will learn whether it is the Hermit or the Fool who rules your heart."

Rebecca threw the card down on the table, upset with how this had ended but not at all shocked by it. She was quickly returning to the pessimistic ideals she'd entered with. But as the Hanged Man hit the table it flipped one of the cards face down. One of the two, the Hermit or the Fool, and it dawned on Rebecca then exactly who ruled her heart.

She glanced up at the smiling fortune teller and then left.


	11. One Of These Days

**One Of These Days...**  
Bomber/RO  
RO's POV…

_I didn't notice__  
__But I didn't care_

The bridge was almost deathly quiet, the only sounds were ET tapping on the armrest and Spider yawning as he sat staring at the expanse of ocean before them on the EOD. RO was bored, now shuffling papers he'd read and re-read six times now. Downstairs he heard the sound of some of the other sailors joking around. Suddenly it all stopped at the sound of something heavy hitting a bulkhead with force and an echoing thump. Buffer's voice broke through the resounding silence after the thump, telling the miscreants to grow up. Nav, who had been silently staring at the radar, chuckled and the silence was broken. ET groaned and turned in his seat.

"If something doesn't happen soon I'm going to hurt the closest person."

Knowing he was the closest person RO gave a terrified face and the others laughed. RO smiled softly and pushed back his chair.

"Who else needs a drink?" He asked, motioning to the stairs.

Nav gave an appreciative smile but shook her head and the other two just gave affirmative grunts so RO headed downstairs. On his way he passed two of his fellow crew, Seamen Dutchy and Hershel, copping a serve from a very displeased Buffer. He gave them a sympathetic smile and continued on his way. There was no one in the galley so he decided to help himself to something from the pantry before getting the drinks, but halfway through a search for any kind of salty product, he was interrupted by a cry from the doorway.

"ET! Get out of..." Her voice stopped when RO turned and she recognized he wasn't ET.

"RO? Why are you raiding my cupboard?" Bomber paused to give him a small, narrow-eyed look. "Did ET send you?"

RO shook his head. "No, I was just looking for something."

Bomber sighed. "There's peanuts in the mess, if Spider or ET haven't eaten them all. Go eat them!" She walked past him and into the kitchen, looking tired.

RO stopped his search. "What's up?" He asked, closing the pantry and leaning against the bench.

Bomber just shook her head. "Oh, it's nothing, just overtired that's all." She smiled softly. "Whinging again."

RO shrugged. "You could always come up to the bridge. Everyone seems to be sleeping fine up there."

Bomber laughed. "I might take up that offer RO." She waved her hand. "Now get out before I find something to throw." She joked.

RO smiled and turned away but before he left Bomber stopped him and he turned to see her throw something at him. He caught it, expecting something nasty, but instead finding a small packet of salt and vinegar chips. He looked up to see Bomber grinning.

"Tell anyone I have those and I'll kill you."

RO just gave a small nod and left.

_I tried being honest_  
_But that left me nowhere_

ET, who was manning the EOD device that afternoon, motioned to a small ship on the device. "Sir, are these the smugglers we're looking for?" He turned in his chair and RO looked up expectedly. They'd been waiting for these guys, having lost them last time after they dropped a few boxes of guns which had mysteriously disappeared. Charge, who was standing nearby, grabbed the picture they were using as reference and handed it to the CO. It matched perfectly.

"Yes, yes they are. Where are they ET?" He asked, trying to see.

Nav spoke up. "They're about 98 kilometres away sir. They're stationary, just off the coast."

The Hammersley, as usual, was patrolling the uneasy waters off Samaru and had been for a while now. But they were all determined to catch these gun smugglers, those responsible for Australian guns finding their way into the uneasy country of Samaru.

The CO nodded. "Okay, let's wait and see if they drop something off again tonight." He motioned to Charge to make sure the engines were shut down. He then stared off into the distance in his usual, dramatic way. "If we're lucky they won't even notice we're here."

_I watched the station  
Saw the bus pulling through_

RO sat in his little room, trimming his precious Bonsai tree and rifling through a small pile of papers. There came a knock on the door and he glanced up to see Bomber enter, not at all surprised as she never seemed to wait until people said 'enter' before opening the door. It was one of her little quirks, something that RO had pointed out more than once, but they made him smile so he didn't mind at all. Bomber just gave him a smile and motioned to the phone. RO glanced at the list of names on the wall in front of him and found that, indeed, Bomber had pre-planned the call. As usual she was right on time, right down to the seconds. RO nodded and Bomber helped herself to the phone, giving him her usual smile. He tried not to listen as Bomber spoke to her sister, laughing every so often at something Jessica said that he couldn't hear. She let out a jovial groan and RO glanced up as she verbally scolded her sister, calling her an idiot.

"I think that will happen when hell freezes over." She exclaimed with a laugh. "No, no way." Caught up in the conversation she didn't notice she'd bumped a pile of papers until they hit the floor. RO stood up to get them and heard her speak. "Oh, Jess wait," She put the phone down on the table and glanced at RO. "Sorry RO, I'm such a klutz."

RO smiled softly. "Really, it's fine. You go back to your conversation, I'll get these."

Bomber smiled. "Thanks RO." She picked up the phone again. "Sorry Jess, I'm knocking things over again." She paused as Jess spoke and gave a small laugh. "Not that bad, just a pile of papers. Poor RO has to clean them up." She lifted the phone away from her face. "Say 'hi' RO."

Picking up the last of the papers RO stood up. "Hi." He managed, giving Bomber a look and waving the papers at her threateningly so she understood that if she knocked them again he'd hit her with them. Bomber just grinned. She put the phone back to her ear as Jessica spoke.

"Yeah, well, that's because you don't know anything. He's lovely." She continued, RO flushing softly as he realised she was talking about him. Her voice went serious. "Maybe. I don't know if…" She trailed off and RO glanced up to find her looking at him. She looked away as she spotted him looking. "Anyway, that's none of your business." She returned to her normal, cheery voice. She glanced back at RO and he motioned to his watch. Her time was nearly up. "Look, Jess, I gotta go. Yeah, you too. Say hello to Tom for me. Okay. Okay. Bye." She put the phone down and turned towards RO.

"Well, you are a cheery fellow aren't you?" She joked, checking the table behind her before leaning against it.

RO frowned again. "You were talking about me." He continued as he saw a glimpse of a joke cross Bomber's face. "And don't tell me it's just ego."

Bomber frowned. "Damn you." She chuckled. "Jess just thought you sounded like such a friendly person and I said you were. Nothing bad. I don't think I can think of anything bad to say about you RO." She said with a smile.

RO nearly flushed again but regained his composure. "Thanks Bomber."

Bomber grinned. "Any time RO." And with a grin she left the room. RO just stared at the pile of papers in front of him, the same pile she'd knocked to the floor, and started to re-sort them.  
_  
__And I don't mind saying  
A part of me left with you_

Spider tapped the EOD and the X turned as Spider grinned. "Ma'am, I think we've got them." He pointed to the EOD, now showing the blurry but still distinguishable figures on the shore line. Bomber, who had been standing nearby, joined him at the EOD. RO, watching her from his radio controls, glanced at her leaning on Spider's shoulder with a strange kind of heat flowing through his veins. Suddenly he wanted to go over there and pull her hand away from him, but he could do nothing but watch as the CO joined them, nodding his head approvingly.

"Great." He glanced at the X who just gave him a small smile. "Engines full. Let's go get whatever it is they've just dropped off."

As he went back to his usual position RO seized his chance to get between Spider and Bomber as they stood there, her hand still on his arm, talking. Bomber spotted RO first and glanced up at him with a smile. She motioned to the EOD. "Got em." She gave a cheeky grin. That was something RO admired about Bomber, she took every campaign against smugglers or 'bad guys' like it was a personal mission. Sometimes it made her a little livewire, but most of the time this determination helped her cause. RO watched her grin at Spider too and sighed softly. But Bomber heard it. She frowned at him. "What is it?"

RO tried to cover. "Oh, it's just, what if these packages turn out like the last lot." He said, referring to the last time they'd followed smugglers into the bush to find shovels instead of guns.

Bomber grinned. "We just get there before Sgt. Toka. Oh c'mon RO, we'll get them this time."

Spider laughed. "Optimistic bugger aren't you Robert?" He added with a small smirk. Bomber laughed and RO felt a little betrayed, like she'd just sided with Spider over him. So, with a turn on his heel, he went back to his controls.

_So one of these days  
I won't be afraid of staying with you_

Bomber was washing up the dishes from dinner when RO passed. He tried sneaking past back to his radio room, but she spotted him and called him into the galley. "We should talk RO, you aren't yourself this week." She finished up the dishes and dried her hand on a tea towel, turning to face RO who just stood awkwardly at the doorway, hoping to get away soon.

RO shook his head. "It's nothing, just a bit tired."

Bomber laughed. "That was my excuse!" She pointed out.

RO gave her a small, weak smile, the images from earlier of Bomber and Spider still running around in his head. "So it was." They fell silent.

"RO," Bomber said. RO looked up. "I was wondering, next shore leave, if you wanted to do something."

RO frowned. "Where did this come from?" He asked, stalling until he figured out exactly what he wanted to say.

Bomber just shrugged. "I don't know. Something Jess said I think, about living for the moment. Well, that's what I'm doing." She gave a lop-sided grin. "So, what do you say?"

"Uh," RO frowned, uncertain exactly what he wanted right now. Of course he valued his friendship with Bomber, but what she was suggesting implied more. He didn't think he was capable of more. "I don't think that'd be a good idea."

Bomber's grin fell. "Oh, well, okay." She sighed softly and turned away.

"Bomber…I…" RO started, but he had nothing to say. Of course she turned back expectantly, but when he said nothing she just frowned.

It soon fell to a slight anger, her voice rising as she spoke. "Fine. But one of these days RO you'll regret this, and I may not wait around till that day." And with that threat stinging the air around them, she left. RO just looked to the floor.  
_  
__I hope and I pray  
Waiting to find a way back to you  
'Cause that's where I'm home…oh_

"HANDS TO BOARDING STATIONS, HANDS TO BOARDING STATIONS." The usual call rang through the air of the Hammersley as everyone prepared to set out. It was now a little before dawn and the sun was beginning to hit the water in the distance. Still dark on the shore line, the RHIB hit the water and headed for the darkness of the bush scrub.

RO stood beside the X as she and the CO watched the three on the RHIB land on the shore of the island and jump out, striding into the bush. RO's eyes never left the figure of Bomber, the smallest of the three. As they left his view he glanced at the CO who was already talking to the X about the findings. Halfway through their conversation the radio blared and the X picked it up. It was Buffer, radioing back.

"Papa 82, Bravo 82." He radioed through and X responded. Buffer continued. "X, we've found the crates, they're packed full of weapons. But something else. Not far from here, a long line of shafts. They look like mineshafts."

The X glanced at the CO but it was Nav, still seated at her usual place, who spoke up. "They used to mine for iron ore here." She glanced up at them with a smile. "Sorry, I read too much."

The CO chuckled and gave Nav a smile. The X radioed back the information and Buffer continued. "Ma'am, permission to se…." He was cut off and the X frowned, radioing back to him, but Buffer didn't respond. RO checked the radio, it was fine, and tried his own. Nothing, Buffer wasn't responding. Riley, a young Able Seaman who was manning the EOD, spotted them first on the machine. Their body heat allowing the machine to pick them up in the scrub. There were the three of them, and a smaller figure they seemed to be chasing. As the CO went to look at the machine over Riley's shoulder the radio crackled and Buffer was back. "Sorry ma'am, someone came running out of the shafts as Bomber got closer. I've lost him, but Bomber and Spider are out there looking for him."

The X frowned. "Buffer, grab the others. The child doesn't matter; he's probably just a local. Bring the weapons." She glanced at the Co who nodded. "We'll see what Sgt. Toka thinks about this."

_Did I make you nervous?  
Did I ask for too much?  
Was I not deserving one second of your touch?_

RO had been called away from the bridge by a call from downstairs, the radio in the bridge not working properly at the moment and leaving RO to take most of the calls from the radio room, and so he'd missed the gathering of the guns and the triumphant trek back to the Hammersley by the RHIB crew. At least, that's what he thought he'd missed.

When RO returned to the bridge, however, he found the X talking quickly into the radio and the CO frowning at the horizon. Nav, meanwhile, was hurrying over a pile of papers in front of her and ET was just sitting at the controls, shaking his head in quiet disbelief. RO frowned and glanced at Charge who had just walked up beside him.

"What's happened?" He asked him. He'd only been gone five minutes and already something had gone wrong.

Charge glanced at him. "Buffer's lost Spider and Bomber. He thinks they've fallen down one of those shafts they found earlier."

RO gaped. If they'd fallen down one of those tunnels they ran the risk of being captured by insurgents or, even worse, having the thing collapse on them. He frowned. Why did these things always happen to her?

_And one of these days  
I won't be afraid of staying with you_

RO's night was quiet, many of the crew now sitting in quiet trepidation. They couldn't believe the luck of the youngest crew members, this always happened to them. But what RO couldn't believe the most was that he'd had a chance to make everything okay with Bomber before she went ashore and now she was missing. The idea that she may not come out of this okay was hard enough, but to have her thinking he didn't like her during this time made it almost impossible. Sitting in silence in his room he nearly forgot he'd planned a phone call to his sister Kelly. So, grabbing the phone quickly, he called her, putting on his toughest facade so his sister wouldn't guess a thing.

Naturally she saw right through him after she mentioned a name, only five minutes into the conversation, which made his voice crack with pain. "So, how's the crew. How's that girl, the new girl, Bomber. Mum says she sounds like a bit of a livewire, I don't think she's a fan." She gave a small laugh but stopped when Robert didn't answer. "Robbie?" She asked, her voice falling from humour to concern.

"Bomber. She... she's missing." He told her.

Kelly was silent for a moment. "What? I mean, where is she?"

"They think she fell down an abandoned mineshaft." He sighed. "I think I've stuffed up again Kell." RO admitted to his sister.

Kelly sighed. "What have you done? Why? You... you didn't have anything to do with her going missing did you?"

"No, of course not, it's just... Bomber. Before she went onshore, before… before she got lost, she asked me out." He paused, waiting for Kelly to say something but evidently Kelly knew there was no happy ending regarding this information. "I knocked her back."

Kelly groaned. "Oh Rob." She took a deep breath. "And now you're regretting it right?"

Robert sighed. "I don't know. I do know why I knocked her back in the first place but still I… I like her Kell."

"She'll come back Robbie, and then you just need to tell her the truth. Promise me you will." She forced him to answer, but RO could say nothing. He couldn't promise his sister this because he wasn't that sure of himself anymore. He was someone else without Bomber around.  
_  
__I hope and I pray  
Waiting to find a way back to you  
'Cause that's where I'm home… oh_

Anyone who was free to search had been searching for many days, but with the pair's radios out and the list of mineshafts they could've fallen down longer than RO's arm, it wasn't looking good. By Day 6 they were all terribly worried because now the pair had gone far too long without water. It wasn't looking good, especially in the heat.

But then, as RO thought all hope was gone, a miracle happened. They found a flare. One of the small flares they were required to carry on them had fallen off, right near the opening of a mineshaft and so, as carefully as they could, they lowered ET down into the mineshaft, RO staring at the EOD expectedly although it showed him very little. And then... success.

RO grinned up at the sound he'd been waiting to hear, the sound of an all-to-familiar and valued voice radioing back to the ship. It was Bomber, and she seemed to be apologizing for getting trapped down the shaft. She thanked the X, who just smiled at Nav. Nav just shook her head in disbelief, having already stated that she too couldn't believe the luck of the new girl. But RO was silent, just listening to her speak. Her voice shook a little, whether it was shock or the cold RO didn't know, and he felt just a little broken at the idea that she was in pain and there was nothing he could do to help her. He wanted to hold her close to him until she stopped shaking, tell her everything was fine now and how hard it had been to have her down there and be unable to do anything to help her. He wanted to tell her the truth; that he loved her and didn't want anything to ever happen to her. But he couldn't. And when he heard Bomber laugh softly and the rustle of her radio before Spider's voice echoed across the distance he suddenly knew why. He'd waited too long. Now there really was someone else in Bomber's life.

_What would you do if I could have you?  
Oh if I could_

The RHIB, slightly too-full now with the two new occupants, was raised into the ship and brought to a stop. Buffer and Swain stepped out, followed by X. As RO watched from the bridge, though, he only saw one person. She was a little too white, a little too tired, and covered in dirt. But she was still beautiful to him. He wanted to go down there and thank her for coming back to him, but instead he just stood and watched. He watched as Swain, offering the still slightly shaky Bomber a hand, helped her out of the RHIB and onto the deck of the Hammersley. Spider followed her down, giving her hand a small squeeze before limping off with Buffer back into the underside of the boat. A strange feeling welled up inside RO as he watched the exchange between the two, and although he wouldn't give it a name he had an idea it was jealousy. So, with a small sigh, he headed back into the confines of the bridge.  
_  
__I'd let you feel everything I'm thinking  
Wouldn't that be nice?_

It was a few days after the mess on the beach at Samaru, with everything having returned to normal. Each morning RO awoke feeling just that little bit colder, each morning taking him further and further away from any chance to tell Bomber that he'd been wrong and that he was sorry for ever rejecting her honesty in such a way. And yet he did nothing to help himself, just going about his day as normal, avoiding Bomber and Spider as much as possible. This didn't seem to faze Spider, who seemingly didn't notice he was getting the cold shoulder, but every time Bomber spoke to him and he pretended he hadn't heard her she looked terribly hurt. If anything he felt angry, his only reaction other than self-disgust, and wished she had never said anything in the first place. They were good weren't they? Why did they need to stuff things up like this? Not to mention that it could well cause them trouble in their job. The last thing he wanted to do was end up having to change ships, he thought of the Hammersley as home now. So, feeling he'd have to choose between her and the Hammersley, he had chosen his ship and gone about with work pretending she didn't exist. But it wasn't that easy. She controlled his thoughts every non-waking moment and many of the waking moments when things got too quiet. Was there nowhere he could escape from her anymore?

It was quiet afternoon and RO was in his room staring down at a pile of papers but not really seeing anything that was written on them. His fist against his cheek, he let out a small sigh as he tried again, in vain, to read. His mind was elsewhere. And he knew where.

"Hey, what you thinking about?" A soft, sweet voice asked. RO raised his head from his fist and glanced up at the figure leaning rather nonchalantly against his doorframe. She gave him a smile as he looked up and RO sighed softly. She frowned at this. "What's wrong RO?" She asked.

RO shrugged. "It's nothing, really Bomber, don't worry about me."

Bomber sighed loudly. "I can't do that RO, all I do is worry about you."

RO frowned. "What is there about me that makes you worry?" He gave her a quizzical look and she just stepped towards him, touching his wrist with her hand. He felt the hairs on his arm stand on end and he got goose bumps. How could she have this effect on him?

She gave a small smile. "I worry you don't think you're worth love."

RO just looked away. "I'm not the one you have to worry about. You're the one falling into shafts and off the edge of the ship… all the time with Spider." He added at the end, his voice dropping considerably.

But Bomber heard him and smiled. "You're jealous." She exclaimed softly. She grinned. "Is this why you've been avoiding me?"

RO just looked at the ground. "I just… I thought I almost lost you out there."

Bomber laughed, moving her arm up to his elbow and causing him to look up at her. "You could never lose me. I thought you knew this RO." She smiled. "It takes more than a few mineshafts to bring me down."

And RO did know this; he'd always known this but had just been too proud or maybe too scared to say anything. So, without a moments notice, he leant forward and pulled Bomber to him, kissing her softly. She didn't protest, and RO was thankful for that. Because right now he knew he was no longer afraid to love. And he did love.

_And one of these days  
I won't be afraid of staying with you_

Lyrics: One Of These Days by Michelle Branch

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sea Patrol or these lyrics.


	12. Remember Me Remember You

Remember Me, Remember You  
Buffer

Buffer awoke to the sound of scraping chairs and a female voice swearing quietly in Polish. He smiled softly and pushed back his covers, grabbed a t-shirt and padded out of his room. In the kitchen a thin brunette woman stood, re-arranging the furniture in his small kitchen/meals area. She'd been complaining for the last week now that he'd had his chairs and table in a bad position and that was why he found it so hard to get around the place, but Buffer knew she'd soon realise it wasn't bad positioning, it was just that the room was too small for the dining table set. She noticed him watching her with a smile on his face and turned, putting her hands on her hips and scowling at him.  
"Peter!" She shook her head. "You sneak up on me?"  
Buffer grinned at his sister struggling with English in her thick Polish accent. "You're getting better Izz, now if only you'd leave my furniture alone we'd be alright." He gave her a smile and pulled open the fridge, looking for food. There was little. He groaned and looked back up at her. "Would you just leave it alone and find me some breakfast?"  
"I am not your niewolnik, Peter. Find breakfast alone." She tucked the chair she was holding back under the table and smiled. "There, more room see?"  
Buffer glanced at the room before him. Indeed he now had more room, but his sister's re-arranging had now pinned two chairs up against the wall, unable to be moved let alone sat in. "That's great Izz, but now there's only four seats. How am I supposed to entertain?"  
"You throw party is like Haley's Comet. Not problem at all." She teased with a cheeky smile. Buffer shook his head at her and she laughed. "Alright, not better, but at least I try. You accept problem, you say 'no Izzie, is fine' when is not fine, is cramped and horrible. Table is too big for little apartment."  
"What do you suggest I do Iz? Navy pay isn't exactly big enough to afford a new place."  
Isabel turned serious. "Peter, I wish you accept Dad's money. He wanted you to have it, and Damien too." She frowned. "Mum took it, before she got sick, knew he only wanted to help. He'd want to help you too."  
Buffer frowned, not so much because Isabel still hadn't mastered tenses, but more because he knew his father would give him whatever he wanted. The problem was he was too proud to ask. Many years ago, when Isabel was barely 6 and he was only 12, the family had left Poland bound for the safety of Australia. Back then Poland hadn't been the safest place to live and Australia provided warmth and freedom. Peter, his mother and his brother never left again, but Isabel had returned to Poland with their father. The man was sincere enough, but he was a businessman who'd never had much time for people. For some reason this hadn't affected Isabel, who had been born with the same lack of emotions that their father had, but Pete was an emotional person like their mother and had shunned his lack of concern for them. When their mother had fallen sick three years previously he'd flown over to come see her. He still loved his wife, but understood she had moved on since he went home, and had offered only one thing – to pay for the treatment. In Poland their father was now a name amongst the masses and a very wealthy man. Their mother accepted the generous offer, but Pete's emotions got in the way. He turned on his father, told him the money would never make up for abandoning them, and forced him out of his life. His father had moved back to Poland thinking his middle child hated him and they hadn't spoken since. Then, completely out of the blue a few months ago, his sister Isabel turned up. Isabel was every inch their mother, which was hard as they'd just lost her (their father hadn't turned up for the funeral), but very much a livewire. She spoke little English and although on a duel citizenship was having trouble with the government about getting a working visa, so she'd bunked down with Damien first. But when their elder brother had to go do some business in Perth last week, Izzie had been unceremoniously dumped on him. Of course, as he was due back on the Hammersley in two days, Buffer wondered what would happen to Isabel. But then, her English had improved dramatically, and she'd scored a secretary job nearby, so he couldn't see why she shouldn't stay at his place while he was away. But they hadn't talked about it. He'd taken for granted that his sister would like to stay with him.  
"Peter, you asleep on your feet again?" Izzie said with a laugh and Buffer awoke from his stupor.  
"Sorry Izz." He frowned at the cupboard. "Look, we've got nothing, want to go out for breakfast?"  
Izzie smiled. "Sure, if you is paying?"  
Buffer rolled his eyes. "Of course tightwad, just give me a minute to get changed."

_"Mama, Peter hit me with a snowball." Isabel's young 5-year-old voice flowed over the street as Peter and Damien ducked down behind a wall, clutching the snowballs they'd been saving all day to use on their sister. "Mama!"_  
_Luka, a big man every inch what Peter looked now but with dark curly hair, came out instead. "Pietr, Damijan come here now." His voice thundered and the two boys scuttled out from behind the wall, their grins gone. "Your sister is but a child. And a girl. Real men fight men like them with courage and by looking them in the eyes. They do not face harmless little girls by hiding behind a wall. You are 11 and 13, you should know better." He touched Isabel's head as she now clutched the hem of her father's long coat and hid behind his leg. "Apologise to your sister." Isabel's bright blue eyes poked out from behind his knee. She looked so tiny next to the huge figure she was using as a shield, but then they were all smaller than Luka._  
_Peter gave in first. "Sorry Isabella." Damien nodded and followed suit._  
_Luka nodded at them then grabbed his daughter's hand. "Dinner is nearly ready. Clean yourselves up and get inside soon." He led a sniffling Isabel back into the house and shut the door loudly. Peter and Damien just looked at each other and smiled._

"Hey, how's the housemate going?" Charge asked Buffer with a smile as he reached the bridge.  
Buffer chuckled. "Last week she was re-arranging my dining room and now she's moved everything around in the kitchen. She's mad!"  
Charge nodded. "She's your baby sister mate, she's supposed to be mad." He gave Buffer a smile and went back to work. Buffer agreed, she was driving him mad but he wouldn't change it for the world.  
A day later she called him, completely out of the blue, and Buffer took the call quickly. "What's happened Izzie? Don't tell me you burnt down the apartment." He said with a chuckle.  
But Isabel was serious. "No, is father. He called, unexpected, and wants to come visit you. He said is important."  
Buffer shook his head, though he knew the only person who could see him was RO. "Uh, no. There is no way that Luka Tomaszewski is stepping foot inside my door, you hear me Izzie? You call him and tell him to stay away from me."  
Isabel sighed. "I already told him he could come."  
Buffer groaned. "What?" He glanced up and noticed RO watching him and continued the conversation in Polish. "You know what I think of him Isabel, how could you do this?" RO turned away, it now impossible for him to understand.  
Isabel replied in broken English. "You is ashamed of our father. Do your crew even know about him? He is good man who make mistakes."  
Buffer frowned and continued in Polish. "Makes mistakes? Isabel he walked out on our mother to go and make more money. He didn't even come to the funeral."  
Isabel replied in Polish this time, clearly too angry to form the words in English, but no matter the language the words still hurt. "You weren't even there when mama died!"  
Buffer took a minute to calm himself down, but he could hear Isabel breathing hard, an indication she was beyond mad, she was worked-up furious. He continued in English once again. "Let's not talk about this okay. We'll talk when I get back. I have work to do."  
"Work to do, work to do. As always Peter." She growled in Polish. "Your problem with father? You are too much like him." And she slammed down the phone. Buffer frowned at the beeping handset then put it down calmly. He gave RO a quick glance then left the room. He really did have work to do now. Work that would hopefully keep his mind off fighting with his sister.

***

_"What is it?" Peter asked, poking the small pudgy pink thing like it was about to envelope him like a giant man-eating blob. Damien laughed at his brother._  
_"It's our sister Peter." He shook his head._  
_Only 6 Peter couldn't quite understand why his sister looked so much like a martian. "That's not a girl, it's a creature from out of space. It comes to you at night and eats your brain!" He waved his fingers menacingly at Damien who just laughed. That was the problem of being the younger brother, he couldn't scare Damien with his stories. From the doorway their mother laughed._  
_"You have a wild imagination Peter, you should write stories." She said with a smile. Peter looked up at his mother with a smile. Sophia was the most beautiful woman in their small Polish town. She had long wavy brown hair and the most striking bright blue eyes. Unlike their father she wasn't Polish of birth but from Belgium and so spoke fluent French and quite a bit of English. But Luka could only speak Polish, so that was all they spoke at home. However she often spoke of Belgium and the countryside, as well as their plans to live somewhere with lots of open country like England or Australia. Peter's grandparents had left Belgium bound for Australia only two years previously, and though he barely knew them he wanted nothing more than to go to this beautiful land that they spoke of. He loved it so much he had recently done a talk on it at school, showing many students on a globe exactly where it was. He'd earned 5 gold stars for the report._  
_"I don't need to write stories mama, I'm going to live them. Fight fire-breathing dragons and save the world." He said, waving his arms like he was slaying a dragon right then and there._  
_Sophia laughed and Damien rolled his eyes. "My brave little soldier. But there are no dragons around here anymore Peter, your father and the other war heroes scared them away."_  
_Peter smiled. His father had fought in the war, like his father before him, and this was the reason that Poland was now safe. Well, as safe as it could be in those times. At 6 he didn't know the threat of the USSR, but his mother did and feared staying in Poland, especially with a young daughter now come into their world. She gave a sad smile at Peter's bright little face as he again showed Damien the right way to fight a dragon. Peter looked up at Sophia then and saw her sad smile. "Don't worry mama, Damien and I will protect you. Isabella too."_  
_He could still remember the look in Sophia's eyes as she pulled her sons into a hug. Peter felt so special then._

_***_

Shore leave came and Buffer arrived home to find the house empty and quiet. He called for his sister but it seemed she wasn't home. So, with a sigh, he went to the phone and called her mobile. It rang through to messagebank. Either his sister had left her phone on silent or was purposely ignoring him. He didn't leave a message with her but instead went to start dinner.  
When she didn't turn up for dinner he tried again, but still nothing, so he went into her room to see if she'd left any indication of where she'd gone. Sitting on her bed was a small throng of stuffed animals, many new ones that his sister had acquired during her travels, but one he'd seen before. Lady Duck had been a small stuffed duck Peter had given Isabel when she was 8 and was missing home. It had reminded her of all the days they spent in summer, sitting by the pond and throwing bread at and to the ducks. She'd loved Lady Duck and took it with her everywhere. Buffer smiled, realising the poor old toy had managed to last this long, and picked it up. It was then that he heard the front door open and walked out into the sitting room where Isabel was shutting the door behind her slowly.  
"Where have you been? You didn't answer your phone." Buffer exclaimed.  
Isabel frowned at him. "Stop talking to me like I'm a child Peter, you aren't my owner." She growled at him in Polish, clearly still maddened by the mere sight of him.  
"Where were you?"  
"I was with dad, we went to dinner. I didn't think you'd come straight home so I didn't worry about leaving you a note." She shot back, again in Polish, as she headed back to her room.  
"Dad's here already? You didn't tell me he…"  
Isabel cut him off. "Ty nie zrobit zapytac!" She repeated herself in English, calming down considerably. "You didn't ask, you didn't care."  
"When did he get here? Where is he? What did you talk about?" A million questions flowed at once.  
Isabel sighed and sat down on her bad. "Dad is in trouble. He have problem with investors. He's losing the business Peter. He wants to come live here with me. He say we buy house together with what he have left, start again. I say good idea."  
Buffer gaped. "He's moving here? When? Soon?" Isabel nodded. "What? I, and you're moving in with him?"  
Isabel shrugged. "I is sorry Peter but I make up mind. It quick decision, but I go back to Poland next week to help him fix up everything then we come here. He wants to live in Melbourne but I tell him very expensive so maybe we live in Adelaide. Damien say Adelaide is nice. Many Europeans!" She gave a smile.  
But Buffer could only gape. "Have… Have you thought about this? I mean…"  
"What Peter? I live in cramped little apartment with you for rest of my days. No Peter, is fresh start for us and dad need my help. He our father Peter, you must understand that he need us like we once need him.  
Buffer made to protest but Isabel stopped him. "We talk later Peter. I need shower." She pushed past him and into the bathroom. Buffer just stared at the door in shock as he heard the water begin to run in the shower. Then, with a sad frown, he went back to the dining room to sit and think.

***

_"Mum, it's huge!" Peter exclaimed as he looked up at the house before him. He grinned at his mother then cast Damien a look. He was also grinning like an idiot. Gripping Damien's hand was little Isabel, and while the boys looked delighted she looked simply terrified._  
_"Mama, I don't like it. I liked our old house."_  
_Luka picked her up. "Isabella, we can't live there right now, but I promise that one day we'll go home okay?"_  
_Isabella smiled then and buried her little face into her father's big neck. Peter didn't look at her at all but looked back at his mother. "Is this really our place mum?"_  
_Sophia smiled. "It's your home for as long as you want it to be, courtesy of your grandmamma." She touched his head. "Now, go inside and pick your rooms."_  
_He and Damien raced off to fight over rooms, making a lot of noise as they ran up the stairs. In the room Peter chose he could see the water in the distance and the sun shone through his window although it was 3pm in winter. In Poland the sun would've gone down already and it would be dark and cold. Peter lay back on his bed and smiled. He loved Australia right then and there and knew he would never leave._

_***_

Buffer stood at the gates of Brisbane airport and watched his sister lug two large suitcases behind her. Isabel didn't know he was there. While Isabel had caught a bus and train, Buffer had driven. He knew his sister wouldn't accept if he offered to drive, so he hadn't bothered to, but now as he watched her he felt a pang of sadness. He thought he and his sister were close enough, but it seemed they were completely different people after all. Now she was following their father back to Poland, having ignored Buffer for the last week since he'd virtually forbid her to go, and there was the chance that he wouldn't see her again. His pride stopped him walking right up to her now and helping her with her bags. That damn pride again. It ran through the entire Tomaszewski family.  
"Why you just watch her? Why you not help her? What kind of soldier is you?" A strong Polish accent spoke from beside him and he turned to see his father standing beside him. Time had got the better of Luka and his dark hair had turned grey to add to the lines on his face. But still he looked strong. Of course these days Buffer wasn't scared of him as he knew he was still stronger.  
"Go away dad." Buffer said, turning away from the man.  
Luka followed him. "You is soldier like me now but still you not protect your sister? What kind of man is that?"  
Buffer turned back on him. "A man who knows she doesn't want his help, just like I don't want your input. You're her hero dad, you always have been, so you go help her."  
Luke shook his head. "You disappoint me son." He walked away, off to help Isabel, and Buffer followed him with a death stare that he knew would make even Bomber step back and take notice. Then, turning on his heel, he left the airport.


	13. Rockstars

Rockstars

For Fin…  
_Rock on!  
_

"Guess what just came in the post!" Bomber grinned, holding aloft a photo as she stood on the bridge. The crew turned as she waved it frantically. "You have to see this."

Behind her RO frowned, wishing he hadn't allowed her into the room when he was opening and allocating the mail. As she waved the picture he tried to snatch it out of her arms, but he couldn't get it off her frenzied movements.

Standing nearby, ET held out a hand for it and she stopped, passing it to him. He laughed loudly when he saw it. "Oh good lord." He passed it to Spider who had to put a hand on a chair nearby to hold himself up as he bent over with silent laughter, then to Charge whose laugh boomed over the bridge until finally Nav took it. "Let me see that." She ordered, snatching it out of Charge's grasp. The room fell silent, watching her, then relaxed when she cracked a smile. "Is this who I think it is?"

Bomber pointed to the back and Nav turned it over, reading it silently. Then… she laughed. Laughed so hard she had to sit down. ET took it from her and read it aloud. "Mikey, the band are rocking a reunion at the Cairns RSL in May. Hoping to see you there, 4pm on the 25th. Here's a pic to remind you of the good times. Signed, Clarkey." He flipped the picture over. "So, he had a mullet and a fender." ET passed it on to Charge then back to Bomber before finally RO was able to snatch it off them.

"The CO cannot find out I let you see this." He protested.

"Calm down RO. If I were the CO the last thing I'd want to admit was that that was me." Bomber said, her hands on her hips.

"The CO was who?" A voice came from the stairs. RO frowned. Bomber's eyes went wide. ET and Charge froze while Nav tried to wipe her tears from her face. Only Spider was left laughing silently, clutching his side as he dealt with laughter pains. "What's so funny Webb?"

Spider spluttered. "CO… tight pants… guitar… he…" Spider stopped when he realized who the voice belonged to. "Nothing ma'am." He finally managed under a glare from both RO and Bomber.

Kate went for the weakest link. "Leading Seaman Dixon, what's going on?"

RO frowned. "This came in the mail ma'am." He handed her the picture.  
"It wasn't my idea to bring it up here ma'am, it was Bomber."

Bomber glared. "I'm constantly amazed you are able to stand without a spine."

Kate frowned. "Is this the captain?" They all nodded. "Okay." She held back a smile. "I'll take care of this. You can all get back to work and forget you saw anything."

"Yes ma'am." They echoed back as Nav caught the X's eye with a grin. The X just turned and left the bridge.

***

"What were they called?" Kate asked as she stood in Mike's doorway. The CO turned with a frown as the X held the picture up for him to see. "The 80s cover band."

Mike frowned. "Where did you get that?" He stood and took it from her, reading the back quietly to himself.

"I managed to take it off the bridge crew before everyone saw it." She smiled at him. "So, what were you called?"

"Hair Guitar." He answered. "We played RSLs." He glanced at her. "This wasn't when you knew me."

"I guessed as much." She narrowed her eyebrows. "Hair Guitar?"

Mike shrugged. "We weren't very clever." He shook his head. "A 15-year-reunion sounds like a very bad idea. The reason we broke up was because Clarkey and Smithy didn't get along."

"Clarkey and Smithy? Who were you? Flynny?" Kate cracked.

Mike raised an eyebrow with a wry smile. "No, Mikey." He waved the picture then his smile fell. "So, the crew know?" Kate nodded. "Great. Any idea how to deal with this?"

Kate smiled. "I have one."

***

A week later the crew stood on the deck, assessing his crew. Buffer wore a long wig, Swain sported some horrible faded denim overalls and Kate had on a sparkly silver top and huge heels and hoop earrings.

"As you well know," Mike said, walking back and forth down the line of sailors. "A week ago I received a reunion invitation. And yes, I will admit it, I used to be in a cover band. But to help my cause, that was 15-years-ago. Goodness knows fifteen years ago we were all very different people. So, for this reason, I call this fifteen years ago. For the 10 hours, only if we aren't required for a boarding, we will celebrate how dorky we were fifteen years ago. 90s music, 90s fashion and days when Buffer had hair." Buffer raised his fists in achievement as the crew laughed. "So whether you were an embarrassing rocker." He gave a rock signal. "A roller chick." The X clapped. "A denim-loving teen." Swain grinned. "Or…" he stopped at Spider. "Webb?"

Spider wore what looked to be his old overalls dyed a nasty shade of baby blue. "Sir, 15 years ago I was only four."

Mike laughed. "Or a baby." Spider cheered. "Today we celebrate. Now you bunch of dorks and children… get back to work." They all left with a grin. Mike went to Kate. "That actually worked."

Kate smiled. "I was brilliant then and I'm brilliant now, back here in 1993." He touched the mullet. "Oooh, is that real hair?"

"I'm not sure but it itches like heck. How long till we return to 2008?"

Kate checked her watch. "9 hours, 49 minutes."

Mike nodded. "Great. If anyone needs me I'll be hiding in my cabin. Call me when we hit 2000." Kate frowned, asking silently. Mike answered. "Yes, I had a cover band until 2000." Then he left, spurned on his way by the laughter of the roller chick standing on his quarterdeck.


	14. What I Leave Behind

**What I Leave Behind  
**Song-Fic. One-Shot.  
Spider.

_I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen_  
_'Cause no one else cared_

My father is a cane farmer. From his hand have been born many smaller life forms that feed on his crop. He is a sustainer of life. My brother, Richard, is a studying lawyer. Every breath he takes involves him doing some good for the world around him. My mother is a nurse, the most noble profession of all. And my sister, even though she's sick, still finds time to help children who are away from their families and missing them terribly. All of my family have a place in the world. Except me. Why am I destined to stroll along unaided by my good deeds, my good karma. I know I'm not a bad person, just a little waylaid by my youth. But I'm 17, time to start getting realistic. This year I realize my potential. This is year I join another noble profession. The armed forces.

_After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving?_  
_When I'm done here?_

They tested me on mathematics, English language and a little bit of history. Thankfully it was all pretty basic stuff, year 10 stuff. They also did the basic running test (requited to do 6.1 on a beep test, I got up to 8.5) then the push-up and sit-up routine. That was the easy part, only required to do a small handful. That said, after the required push-ups my arms ached. Then a medical, which was never an issue with a pedantic nurse mother, and the psychological testing. It was these psych tests that I worried most about. I was not the toughest person I knew and in truth a bit immature for my age, but somehow I passed them. I started to think then that anything was possible. And before I knew it I was on a bus bound for CribPointVictoria. I was off, away from home, to join the Navy.

_So if you're asking me I want you to know  
When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
__Help me leave behind some_  
_Reasons to be missed_

"Welcome to the HMAS Cerberus recruits." A booming voice came across as I stood with the others, my mind taken over by thoughts of what was to come. Around me were many my age, young people who had no idea what they'd just gotten themselves into but went along for the ride anyway. It wasn't a bad ride, just different. "Here you'll partake the usual 11 week training course. After that you either wish you were dead or continue your training." The voice chuckled. But not a normal chuckle. A big, scary, manly chuckle. My blood turned cold in my veins. Is that bad? "My name is Commander White and I'm in charge here at Cerberus. So, introductions over, can anyone tell me why we call this the Cerberus?"

Many around me chuckled, some openly laughed, but I have to admit I had no idea why it was called what it was. And then, just my luck, White pulled a list from his pocket. "Recruit… Webb." My jaw fell and evidently it was that which gave me away. He pointed at me. "I'm sure you can tell us Webb."

I stammered. "Sorry sir, I can't."

White nodded and turned to another who launched into a story about a three-headed dog guarding the gates of hell. I'd never heard of it before, but then I wasn't exactly a history person. Instead I just hung my head. What a good start.

_Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
__Leave out all the rest_  
_Leave out all the rest_

My first day didn't get any better. I managed to embaress myself 4 more times before White gave up giving me a chance and spent the rest of the day just giving me funny looks. I figured he was wondering what the DFR had got him into. I myself was beginning to wonder the same thing. But I had been prewarned, it was part of the recruiting process, so there was little I could do. And I wasn't going to pull out, not now that I'd got so far. Innisfail, my home town, was a long long way away. In fact, according to Google Maps (I came to check it on a regular basis, a bit sad but my little connection to home) I was 2,831 kms away from home. Not just that, I was an emotional long way away. I'd chosen this life over the life on the land, something my father had requested of me, so now I'd stick with it. Thick and thin, I'd make it to the end.

_Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating_  
_I've shared what I've made_

The third week was fire drills, a practice everyone mad to pass. It was required by all sailors that they know how to react in a fire and emergency situation. Naturally I wasn't great. I managed to get overcome by smoke in the first simulated test, accidently shove someone in the second test and use the wrong method of putting out the fire in the third. I failed all three. In the fourth turn I got it right. Eventually. I thought I was going to die of relief when the Petty Officer who was testing me finally said 'good work Webb' and thumbed me away to join the others who had already passed. It was then that I knew that I could do anything I set my mind to. Not the first, second or even third time, but eventully I'd get there. Eventually I'd get to the end. I pushed on.

_I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
__But neither have you_  
_So if you're asking me I want you to know _

Now I stand here proudly, amongst all the other recruits, beaming down at the crowd. I can see mum, dad and even Rick has bothered to turn up. Now that's an achievement in itself. And although I don't know what lays ahead for me, I know now that I'm doing the right thing. I am Seaman Billy Webb, and that is what I leave behind.

_Forgetting_  
_All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well  
Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are_

_Lyrics; _Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park


	15. Why?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sea Patrol. Lyrics are 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon

**Why?**

_Somewhere there's speaking  
It's already coming in  
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind_

It was almost like watching the one thing you valued in your entire life, the one part of you that you thought you knew and understood, get run over by a truck. Or like watching a small puppy, cute and adorable, have to be put down. It's that kind of heartache, that fighting and flighting pain that you feel. Fighting or flighting simply because that's what you want to do. It's instinctal, a human reaction, to run or fight. I felt like doing both when I could only stand back and watch everything I thought had been for me, everything I had wanted, simply disappear before my eyes. The ship was sinking and as I watched it go away, further and further away, I could only feel cold. A moment a long time ago, a chance to fix everything, had been wasted and now I could only see their eyes, locked on one another with affection, and feel the most intense pain.  
_  
You never could get it  
Unless you were fed it  
Now you're here and you don't know why _

You love him don't you?  
_  
But under skinned knees and the skid marks  
Past the places where you used to learn_

It's never been easy to watch you, we've never been on a stable surface. But now what can I say to make this good? Should I smile it off and pretend it isn't breaking my heart that you love someone else. What did he say to win you around? Can I try that too?  
_  
You howl and listen  
Listen and wait for the  
Echoes of angels who won't return_

Every time you went out on those boarding trips I could only ever stand by and watch you. I could only ever hope you'd come back to the RHIB alright. I couldn't be there to protect you every time, and I certainly couldn't be what you needed all the time, but I know you were strong. You helped me more times than I can count on one hand, whether you know it or not. You are an angel.  
_  
He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be_

You told me that he knew exactly what you needed to hear in every situation, exactly what you needed to know when things got bad. He never gave up, he never broke down and he never told you a lie. But then what could I have done to get you? When all I ever did was these things too? All I ever did was smile when you needed me too, listen when you wanted to speak, and crack a joke when you needed a smile. So I couldn't be perfect, so I couldn't be absolutely right all the time. I was who I was, so why should I be ashamed?  
_  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why _

And now I watch you and it's like I can't breathe. Is it anger? Not at you of course, could never be. And it isn't at him. How can I scold him for being faster and just better than me? Maybe not better, and certainly not smarter, but quicker. Quicker to seize his chance the moment he had it. And my shame? I had one long before him. How could I knock this back?  
_  
You're waiting for someone  
To put you together  
You're waiting for someone to push you away_

I'm only angry with myself.

_There's always another wound to discover  
There's always something more you wish he'd say_

I only hate myself.  
_  
But you'll just sit tight  
And watch it unwind  
It's only what you're asking for_

You look at me now like you don't understand why I haven't smiled in a week. You look at me now like I'm ill, there's something wrong with me. What have they done to you, she asks me, who have you become? She doesn't know me. She never has. Maybe that's my own fault?

_And you'll be just fine  
With all of your time  
It's only what you're waiting for _

How can you understand me when i don't understand myself?  
_  
Out of the island  
Into the highway  
Past the places where you might have turned_

Shore leave comes and you go, with him. I just stand on the deck and watch you leave. He doesn't even notice I'm there. He doesn't even see me. But how can I blame him when you're on his arm? How can I say I would do any different?  
_  
You never did notice  
But you still hide away  
The anger of angels who won't return_

Do you notice me there?  
_  
I am everything you want  
I am everything you need  
I am everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be_

It's like a child's game now. Notice me. Notice me. Maybe I should do what he always did? Maybe that is the way to get you to see me. But why try to be him when you have the real thing? You don't need another him. You don't need me. So what can I do?  
_  
I say all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why_

But what can I say if she's happy? What can I do if she wants to be with him? Why do I ask myself these questions? Why don't I just tell her the truth. Bec, I know I'm just a friend in your eyes, but you are so much more to me.  
_  
And I don't know  
Why  
Why  
I don't know_

My name is Robert Dixon, and I love Rebecca Brown.


	16. You and Your Stupid Dream

You and Your Stupid Dream…

'_On your head' my father commented. 'It won't hurt, I guess' my mother had resigned. My brother had just laughed. What a foolish dream, straight out of the blue. Where did this come from, they had asked, and where was it going to go? In their mind one of those stupid pipe dreams that 17-year-old girls made when they were bored. In their mind I'd get over it when I got a boyfriend, or when my Year 12 results came in. She'd go off to uni and forget about it, but I knew that wouldn't be true. It was a dream that was in my veins and no matter how hard they tried to tell me it was foolish, how I'd regret it after I started the early mornings and continuous work, it was there to stay. On my head so be it. I would not turn back to them and say they were right, even if they did turn out to be in the end. I would give this a try, why not, why shouldn't I? I was a girl from the right side of the tracks, smart and pretty but lacking any real skills in the form of combat or self-defence. I'd never even seen a gun before. And now, here I was facing a four-year stretch at a good university doing Economics and all I could do was yawn. I desired only one thing – freedom. Freedom and the ability to make a difference. Why shouldn't I join the navy?_

_As a young, not so rebellious but enough to give my parents a headache, teenager I had had those dreams of grandeur. Fame, fortune and jet setting around the world. And while the images of gold and movies had faded, the test of time showing me they were mere tokens in this fickle world, the dream of bigger things stayed with me. When I had gone for my year 12 certificate it had been with the image of a top university degree, ace of my class, and despite being one of the better students at my school I was nowhere near the top. And then the results came in and I only just scraped into university, in by the skin of my teeth to a course I still didn't understand why I had chosen. Bachelor of Economics, even the name was dull and the idea of walking out in my early 20s with only this on my head was a frightening prospect. In my teenage years I hadn't even had a job, a part-time job not on the top of my list of things to do. I didn't need the money, my parents came from the right side of town, but as the thought of a future of HECS debt and continuous study faced me I wished I had. At least in work I could find solace in order, something I had always admired, but now it was me and the piles of homework. My first year was a disaster, my harder days plagued by the images of patrol boats and the open ocean. The sound of waves, engines and people I knew I would like. The ocean was calling, but I could only ignore its call._

_When I finished my first year, only just achieving a passing grade on all my subjects, I knew then that the dream had got the better of me. I couldn't think of anything else and I knew that whatever would happen to me out there, on the open ocean, I would never regret the choice I was about to make. I could not stay on these land legs any longer; they were failing along with my attention at university and my patience. Any longer ignoring these dreams I could break. I visited the defence jobs website only a day after my results came in._

_My first attraction to the navy had come in the form of my friend Lara who was a studying nurse and had pointed out the merits of working as a nurse in the army. The army had never been my friend, a self-confessed Greenie and anti-war leftist I knew that my feelings for the army would stand in my way. But the navy had never given the same impression. Rather the idea had stuck with me that it was about defence, keeping the illegal fisherman out of our waters and keeping the terrorists off our shores. They seemed so just, so loyal and so welcoming as well. Despite knowing I likely wouldn't see a patrol boat until my third or fourth year, depending on my position, the thought of one day being out there, saving sharks from shark-fin fishermen and keeping smugglers from taking things that could hurt the country on and off our shores stirred the little hippie inside of me. Eager to please I worked on what I knew, researched what I didn't and tried to get really fit. If there was anyone who wanted to join the navy more than me I was yet to meet them._

_Knowing my stuff, and knowing my strengths, helped me impress the officer who handled my application. I told him what I could bring to the navy, offer to its services, but also what I felt it could give to me. He listened to my speech, nodding appropriately at places, and even smiling when I explained the little hippie analogy. He had then told me that he too and had been put off by the images of the army when he had joined, hence the navy, but had now learnt that it wasn't all about that. Nonetheless he appreciated my opinions and thought they reflected well, and nicely summed up, the navy. He'd contact me soon enough, to see what positions he could offer me. I told him straight out. I wanted to be a Navigator._

_My pickiness almost became my downfall, the position of Navigator not exactly the easiest job to get, but my perseverance soon impressed my superiors and I was taken in to the compulsory four years in the navy, Navigator handed to me almost on a silver platter. But, unlike everything else in my life, this silver platter hadn't been easy to get and so it shone even brighter when I held it up to the light. My first job came in the form of Lieutenant Commander Mike Flynn, CO of the HMAS Hammersley, a now de-commissioned patrol boat. But the name would be passed on to where I am now. The Hammersley now a new Armidale Class patrol boat, an Australian Warship. And up here, in the bridge, I am the Navigator._

_The road hasn't been easy. It's been long. It's been interesting. It's been hard. But the message here is that no matter what people think or say, no matter how far-fetched your dreams sound, and no matter what stands in your way, you can do it. Just never give up on yourself and you can achieve what I have achieved. Maybe you don't have the same dream as me, I'm not saying you do, but the general idea here is that whatever you want can become a reality. If you want it badly enough._

_Just ask me and my stupid dream…_

Nikki 'Nav' Caetano  
Royal Australian Navy  
Navigator, HMAS Hammersley  
Cairns, Australia


End file.
